Gay Marriage

The Supreme Court is hearing two cases this week that deal with the legality of same-sex marriage in the United States (an appeal of California’s Proposition 8 on Tuesday and arguments over the Defense of Marriage act Wednesday). I was alerted to this fact by half of my friends changing their Facebook profile photo to the image displayed above, making it look like the site had been taken over by the Gay Bloods.

I’m an Internet loudmouth who pays a few bucks a year to have a website. That’s the extent of my qualifications to comment on the issue of gay marriage legalization. With that out of the way, here is a list of what I believe is every possible opinion regarding the Feds forcing gay marriage legality:

You’re All For It–A lot of liberals fall into this category, as well as some conservatives disgusted by the perceived bigotry within their own ranks. The attitude is, “Love is love, people are people, and anyone standing in the way of that is a small-minded sack of crap.”

It’s a States Rights Issue–A lot of kind-hearted conservatives fall under this one. It’s not that they hate gays: they just hate the government. There are also some people espousing this belief because they are secretly homophobic and they’re confident their state won’t ratify a damn thing to let the queers pork/bump tacos in peace.

I’m Against it Because I Hate Gays–This may shock you, but a full 100% of people that hate gays feel this way. Statistics don’t lie.

You Just Don’t Care–Some people out there possess an apathy that dwarfs even my own. For them, the news of the day is the release of Bioshock Infinite.

I fall into category one myself. Probably not with the proper seriousness for the gay community’s liking–seeing two men hold hands still makes me react like this. But I do believe two adults in love, regardless of their sex, ain’t my damn business. Plus, feeling this way lets me sit pretty tall on my moral high horse without having to help the poor or do much of anything for the betterment of humanity. In a perfect world, I’d trust the states to do what I see as the right thing. But if it weren’t for the Federal Government, every Atlanta Falcons home game would devolve into a slave auction by halftime.

As for those who believe homosexuality is an affront to their religion…can’t you just let it slide? The Bible is full of contradictory stuff. Jesus says the rich are boned when it comes to heaven, yet God rewards those he loves with tons of cows and sheep. (Though if he truly loved them, he’d have given them flat screen televisions and wives that shaved their pits.) Can’t you get riled up about leper rights or locust control instead?

If you’re an American, please support your fellow citizens marrying who they want to by permitting the Federal Government to trample upon the sovereignty of the states. And if you’re a massive homophobe, do it for purely self-serving reasons. We all assume you’re the most self-loathing closet queens of them all. Doing so might throw us off the scent a little, you mincing Marys.