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Life

Travis Bickle: Part 2

admin July 5, 2009

When last we left off, our plucky protagonist had just been scarred for life by a parent-teacher conference that featured him confessing to his teacher his non-stop pornographic fantasies in which she held a starring role. It was my mom’s idea. And this was my first grade teacher. I was […]

Life

Travis Bickle: Part 1

admin June 28, 2009

For as long as I can remember, I never got girls. They were something you stared at, but not something you talked to or interacted with. It might tie into my filthy Greek gorilla DNA, which matured me to a horny, pre-pubescent state by age 4, well ahead of the […]

Life

Putitas

admin June 9, 2009

I was out performing my locksmith duties yesterday which, thankfully, consisted mostly of changing the locks on foreclosed homes, barring their families from ever reentering the premises. What can I say; my ass moved back home as of last week, so I’m in full-bore hater mode. Right now, in terms […]

Entertainment

Review-Terminator:Salvation

admin June 2, 2009

I’m going to make this one short and sweet, a courtesy this piece of cinematic shit didn’t see fit to extend to its audience. Let me state, unequivocally, that I love the first two Terminator films. I can quote them backwards and forwards, hum a pitch-perfect rendition of the theme […]

Papa's Basement Radio Show

Papa’s Basement 5-30-09 ft. Will

admin May 30, 2009

Wow, I still have a show, apparently! The boys discuss John & Kate Plus 8 (plus Kate’s titanic clown car of a vagina), the American Idol finale and John wisely picking up hitchhikers on a DC street at 3am. What could have possibly gone wrong? Papa’s Basement 5-30-09 ft. Will

Life

Picking Up Hitchhikers

admin May 29, 2009

Hey, the title doesn’t always have to be effin Wordsworth…while driving home at 3 in the morning in downtown DC, I picked up some hitchhikers. Merrily singing along to my Hawthorne Heights cd (eat shit; I know they suck, but I’m just happy to have a disc recorded in the […]

Life

Papageorge Eee Ooh, Real American Hero

admin May 24, 2009

The other day I was driving out of my neighborhood for a fast food breakfast (the only means of maintaining as stunning a physique such as mine). I awoke after 11am (yes, it was a weekday. Don’t judge me, or I’ll be force to remind you that the song “We […]

Life

Why I Am Biff Loman

admin May 19, 2009

By next time this week, I’ll have moved back in to my mom’s house. That is punch line enough; no need to gild the lily. So let’s go over what steps you young folk out there need to take in order to have a life that follows the trajectory of […]