How I Spend the Fourth of July
By which I mean lightning fireworks and lobbing them 0.26 seconds before they’d go off in my hand (leaving me with a Brundlestump), not parading around in twink shorts waiting […]
Earlier this week we established that the British love massive tits, which proves they are an intelligent, beneficent people. As if to confirm my previous statement (except not really because I imagine shit like this happens in England all the time), the Sun is now reporting that 14-year-old Britney Marshall is being urged by her mother to get breast implants so she can become part of a proud family tradition. You see, Britney’s mother and four sisters all have breast implants. Not tasteful ones, either. The kind my brother likes, where the skin is stretched all taut like a basketball-shaped alien is trying to burst out.
As a man, I’m conflicted about this. On one hand, it’s cool that a bunch of broads are into having huge boobs (especially with the family face being 30 miles of bad road). On the other, as much as it pains me to admit this, you don’t have to have massive boobs to have nice boobs (though it helps about as much as being black in basketball). And (engage statement that gets Papa’s Basement caught in kiddie porn filters round the world) that 14-year-old seems to have a solid, surgery-free rack budding. Can’t Mama Marshall wait until Britney’s popped out a few babies with British teeth, been divorced and needs to up the wattage of her light bulbs to land a new man before putting her under the knife? Must innocence die so young :'(
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