In the history of movie making, two good horror films have been produced: The Exorcist and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There might be a few others I genuinely respect that I’m forgetting, but I enjoy starting off articles with grandiose, pompous statements that inflame and titillate. Despite my prejudice against […]
Once in a while, a comedy makes you laugh so hard that your first reaction after finishing it is to grab your friends, sit them down, and force them to watch along for multiple viewings like it’s a propaganda film. Office Space is one of those movies. Idiocracy, too. The […]
The Words looks like the biggest movie coming out today, so I’ll write about it. (They really don’t like putting any movies with a budget up against the NFL’s opening weekend, do they?) It’s a movie about a book, a concept I’ll never understand. You don’t make a car about […]
Most of the time, when I do my “Reviewing X Without Having Seen It” reviews, I actually have some idea of what the movie is about. Lawless is not one of those times. So I did all the research I needed to in order to write this piece and looked […]
PG-13 horror is like gay porn: Remove the descriptor, and you’re left with a word I might have been interested in. The Apparition is the latest in a long line of non-R rated cash grabs designed to pry away the allowance money of our nation’s morbidly obese, academically under achieving […]
I am currently watching a friend’s dog while she’s away on vacation. It was presented to me as a pretty easy job: Stop by a few times a day, let the dog out to do its business, feed it, make sure it has water and then accept with a smile […]
Before I begin, I want to apologize for the lack of writing on the site. Life’s been a pain in the ass lately, and Google took a shit on my ranking for some reason, so even fewer people are coming through here than before. I promise to not take another […]
If you’ve ever listened to my radio show and are stupid (those things have a habit of going hand in hand), you might think I dislike Jewish people. Nothing could be further from the truth. How is it dislike when I say that, on average, Jews tend to have their […]
There’s a moment when you’re about to sleep with an attractive woman that I call “smilerection”–You smile, because banging attractive women is awesome, and you get an erection, because that’s how sex is made (or so I’ve heard on the playground). Clicking on the aggregate Rotten Tomatoes rating for The […]