I know, I know. At this point, the summary of the first day of my Vegas vacation has become one of those clown car dumps you take after spending the better part of the previous afternoon at the Golden Corral. (You know the type I’m talking about: They last 30 […]
I don’t mention this fact much (maybe because it always comes off like I’m being sarcastic), but Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of my biggest personal heroes. So maybe that’s why it hit me so hard when images of the utter slampig he was pummeling behind his wife’s back surfaced online. […]
99 times out of 100, when a guy behind a mic says, “Man, I just wish we had more time to get to everything I wanted to talk about today,” it’s code for “Thank fucking Christ it’s over, because I was out of material an hour ago.” This is one […]
I was a groomsman for the first (and, given how infrequently my friends get laid, probably last) time in my life last weekend, and even I, who was awesome enough to be drinking heavily by middle school, was shocked at the amount of liquor being put down by the wedding […]
This weekend, I recorded a show about the royal wedding and how annoying all the hubbub surrounding it was. “What a brilliant idea,” thought John. “Not only do I get to vent about something that annoys me, but the mere mention of the royal wedding will generate untold traffic for […]
My Friday night started off with a disaster of a date, so what was I to do to salvage the night? Why, eat until the pain disappeared, of course! A few friends and I trekked to Denny’s to feast upon cheese stick sandwiches, bacon sundaes and countless other dishes that […]
By now, the horrors of the film The Human Centipede have been well documented. Since I’m a dunce, though, I decided that it would be fine to watch the movie with a girl. Let’s just say I have a few words about the experience. If that weren’t enough, the host […]
Some episodes come out of the gates, others build to a slow boil. (Others are just turds in the punch bowl, but no one bats a thousand.) In the final minutes, Cate drops a bombshell that, quite frankly, she should have started the show with. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll […]
Because who wants to hear the news of the day on time and from the mouth of a professional anchor when you can get it from us long after its relevance has faded? The gang and I discuss the Chicago teacher in deep trouble for mocking a student’s hair on […]