Ol’ Dirty Lightfoot-“If You Could Read My Dog S**t”
Papa’s Basement co-host and friend Howard Heezy recorded this mash-up of Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s “Dog Sh*t” and Gordon Lightfoot’s “If You Could Read My Mind“. It’s a fun listen and […]
Q. Papa: I have a co-worker I despise. He is a one-upper and a self-appointed expert on everything, routinely using phrases like “In my previous experience” and “Well, I’ve always said.” He’s only 26, though, so there’s no way he actually has experience or even knows his ass from his elbow. Between that, his excessive pounding on the keyboard (you can tell when he is challenging someone via email) and his loud talking on the phone (another effort to sound important), I’m going to kill him. How do I not do that?–Murderous in Muncie
A. Murderous in Muncie: There is a solution to your problem that is incredibly satisfying and doesn’t require you getting in trouble: bullying. While it’s gotten a bad rap in the press lately, you’d be amazed at how effective letting someone know in no uncertain terms that you hate them by virtue of who they are can be.
In an office setting, you can’t go around shoving people or calling them names because human resources will step in at some point and ruin the party. What you can do, though, is talk about your coworker behind his back to everyone who will listen. You will quickly find out who is on the same page with you and can base friendships entirely upon a mutual hatred of your coworker. Spending lunch after lunch discussing what detestable things the target of your wrath did today is a great way to let off steam and bond. Plus, the despised coworker will start to get a sense of everyone’s feelings at some point and it will begin to eat at him in a subtle but effective way.
After enough time goes by, you can even start talking to the victim as a sympathizer, but only to further your ability to mock him to your real work friends. That, however, is some advanced level training and best left for another day.
It’s that time again where I have to solicit your questions so this column can continue. Click here to submit your inquiries via email. If you don’t, I’m just going to post various, adorable photographs of Gizmo instead of written content. Which would probably boost my traffic immensely, but I’m not prepared to admit that to myself.
Erin on November 15, 2012
This is honest-to-God the best advice I’ve ever heard. The advanced level of this is my specialty.
David on November 18, 2012
But what if it’s this kind of co-worker?
http://www.theonion.com/articles/asshole-admits-to-being-asshole-in-supreme-asshole,1172/