Horrible Bosses Kinda Sucked

Continuing in the proud Papa’s Basement tradition of film reviews written well after opening weekend (rendering them useless to the majority of you), I present my take on a comedy I had high hopes for: Horrible Bosses. While the premise didn’t seem particularly inventive (three workers who are saddled with three bosses they abhor decide enough is enough and plot to kill their employers), I’m always happy to see a member of the Always Sunny crew (in this case, Charlie Day), get a shot at the big leagues. On top of that, Kevin Spacey played a great asshole boss in Swimming with the Sharks, and is generally fantastic in anything, so I thought of the movie as a relatively safe bet.

To delve into the plot too much is to miss the point of a comedy. Like porns, you’re there because you enjoy the actors and you’re looking for quality scenes that inspire a powerful, involuntary response (laughter, in this case). So Horrible Bosses should be viewed through the prism of its six stars. Of the three coworkers, God bless him, Charlie Day reigned supreme. While his range didn’t extend far beyond what he brings to Sunny, the entire world loves him on that show, myself included. I was just happy to see that his act translated so well to the silver screen. Jason Bateman, a vet of a Arrested Development, another damn fine program, also did good work. While I wasn’t blown away, Jason isn’t there to knock your socks off: He’s there to serve as the understated heart of whatever he’s featured in, and he delivered perfectly in that capacity.

Nay, of the three workers, the only turd in the punch bowl was Jason Sudeikis. The character he plays, Kurt Buckman, is supposed to be an ass-crushing steamroller of a ladies’ man, but one look at Sudeikis’ face makes you realize that: 1. He was horribly miscast for the part, which should have gone to Colin Farrell and 2. He’d have made an awesome boss for the movie’s purposes because it’s physically impossible to see his grin and not want to punch him in the mouth so hard that his teeth shoot out his ass like a party popper.

On the bosses’ side of the court, it was Charlie Day’s employer, Jennifer Aniston, who stole the show for me. I tend to think of Jennifer as a talentless, dried-up shrew of a twat who won’t shut the fuck up about how Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt from her, but her comedic chops were in fine form during this outing, and I’m glad to see her doing more with her life than sitting around and watching tumbleweed cascade forth from her vagina. Kevin Spacey was decent, but you could tell during every scene he was imagining himself holding multiple large bags with dollar signs painted on the side in the back of his mind .

Collin Farrell was the film’s largest disappointment to me, only because I acknowledge the guy is a solid actor, which is difficult for me to admit because I wish anyone that attractive nothing but the worst in life. He played Bobby Pellitt, an egomaniacal ass obsessed equally with cocaine and Asian prostitutes. Between that and the fact he had shaved his head into a faux-comb-over, the audience was expected to find him uproarious. Well, he wasn’t. There’s nothing wild or original about an individual who only gets out of bed in the morning to bury his face in blow and fortune cookies. The non-cinematic portion of Hollywood’s economy is based upon fulfilling those two needs.

If you’re bored and don’t want to immerse yourself in a world of fighting robots or child wizards, well, God help us all, Horrible Bosses might be the most mature viewing option currently in theaters. Just don’t get your hopes up, okay?

Tagged as: Charlie Day, Horrible Bosses, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Movie Review.