I Ate Taco Bell’s Pacific Shrimp Taco, Too

That title read a little more euphemistically than I’d have preferred, but it got the job done. In case you thought that devouring a triumverate of Sonic’s Premium Beef Hot Dogs was the extent of my gluttony last week, I’m here to tell you that you’re tragically mistaken: I dabbled in a few Pacific Shrimp Tacos at Taco Bell, too.


I’m not the most religious guy on Earth. I know that Christians have Candy Day and Gift Day and that every reference I make to Muhammad should be glowing if I want to, well, live. I am very well-versed in one aspect of Roman Catholic theology, however: From Ash Wednesday until the aforementioned Candy Day, poultry, beef and pork aren’t really supposed to be consumed. And why, as a non-Catholic, would I know this? Because it’s during this time of year that fast food restaurants break out the awesome seafood menu items!



Popeyes typically brings it with a shrimp or crawfish basket. My local McDonalds had previously been good for the awesome $0.99 Filet-O-Fish, but this year it’s been replaced by the abomination that is the Double Filet-O-Fish for $2.50. (I can do simple math, you bastards. I realize you’re screwing me out of $0.50 and an entire bun’s worth of the refined carbohydrates I need to maintain my bosom.) I enjoy Taco Bell’s Shrimp Tacos the most, however, because they’re not a year-round item. That and the fact that you know TB is dying to sell you fish tacos…they just haven’t come up with a way to market them that doesn’t instantly make you think “poon.”


So, are the Pacific Shrimp Tacos worth your money and time? (Considering they’re under $3 a pop and last about five bites, it’s a low bar to set.) The answer is, “Yes, but you probably won’t order them twice.” While TB doesn’t whore you quite like they did last year, when you’d get a paltry three shrimp per taco and they were tiny enough to fall out like the diced tomato bits that coat the bottom of my car, six slightly-bigger-than-popcorn-shrimp-sized sea monkeys isn’t exactly something to throw a VE Day celebration over. (I will award points for the fact that all six were thoroughly de-turded.) The default sauce was banal but acceptable. (And really runny. I noticed after my meal that the crotch of my pants looked like I’d gotten a little too excited by my purchase, if you catch the drift of my veiled ejaculation reference, wink wink.) Go ahead and give one a try. You know you want to, Fatty.

Tagged as: Fast Food Connoisseur, Taco Bell.