Things You Only Do With a One Nighter-Papa’s Basement Radio Show
Whether due to shame, guilt or a selfish gf/bf, are there certain acts you’d only request of a one-night stand and not a significant other? I answer the question, as […]
The original Kick-Ass was a movie that I expected nothing of and was moderately entertained by when I caught it on Netflix a few years after its release. As I recall, the story centered around a teenager trying to become a real-life superhero and allying himself with a preteen broad and her dad as they try to bring down a local crime lord. In terms of plot originality, Memento it ain’t, but it got the job done. The writing and direction were clever and the action sequences were handled well, even if it felt extremely weird seeing seeing Chloë Grace Moretz (fuck her and her un-American Motörhead umlaut name)–who was probably 12 years old in the original film–getting the shit beaten out of her by adults.
A few years have passed and Kick-Ass must have made somebody somewhere some money because Kick-Ass 2 is here to cash in, featuring the original cast plus Jim Carrey and other people not as famous as him so why bother listing them. I was all prepared to give Kick-Ass 2 a positive review because I had a good gut feeling about it, but it would seem my instincts regarding movies are as accurate as they are regarding every other aspect of my life, because a quick trip over to Rotten Tomatoes revealed Kick-Ass 2 was stinking up the joint with a 28% review. For those of you who don’t know what that means, Grown Ups 2 scored a 7%, and Saddam Hussein wouldn’t have watched that piece of shit while cultivating his Santa beard in his bunker. If KA2 is only four times as good as GU2 (I got sick of typing a lot of italicized letters), which simple math dictates, then steer the hell clear of it.
The one fascinating aspect of Kick-Ass 2 is how dumb Jim Carrey has sounded in his attempts to backpedal away from it in the wake of the Sandy Hook shooting. Carrey tweeted something to the effect of being unable to support the movie due to the violence perpetrated in it a few days after the massacre. Mind you the guy did not specifically mention the fact that kids getting the shit beaten out of them was the issue–which, by the way, should be shocking to a person even before a bunch of children got gunned down. Nope, just general violence suddenly became bad after a mass shooting. Before that, however, it was just dandy, and Jim would have been quite happy to collect his paycheck from a movie that I’m assuming, like its predecessor, depicts some of the most violent acts perpetrated against children ever filmed.
I’m not some conservative fed up with faggot liberal moviequeers trying to tell me how to live my life, but I don’t like it when people, famous or not, sound downright foolish in front of an audience. Which is exactly what Jim Carrey has managed to achieve with his nauseating backpedaling. And what it is about comedians becoming massive box office draws that destroys every shred of the funny that ever lived within their being? Stick to taping the heads on dead birds, jagoff. Or fellate Eddie Murphy as you watch Pluto Nash together and discuss what it is to have every drop of funny leak out of you like the water from a punctured kiddie pool.
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