Mad Men-Now With Several More Tons of Fat Betty Draper

“[Manischewitz] makes wine for Jews. And now they’re making one they want to sell to normal people.”
-Roger Sterling, delivering the line of the episode

If the rest Mad Men‘s fifth season featured nothing but Betty Draper shoving food into her cram-hole in 45 minutes blocks, I’d die a happy man. There’s something about seeing the once-beautiful blonde ice queen struggling unsuccessfully to reclaim her looks that hits my dick like a Viagra-filled turkey baster. Sunday’s episode, “Dark Shadows” (click here to watch via Amazon), contained more than enough of Betty either hungrily eying food or losing all willpower and shoving a whipped cream canister straight into her mouth to last me for weeks. I hope they never retire her fat suit.

As if Betty’s descent into blubberhood weren’t enough, that horrible little shit Pete Campbell is now flying off the deep end nursing an unrequited hardon for Gilmore Girls‘ Alexis Bledel. Maybe I should have watched GG, because there’s nothing like a former child star unleashing the hounds. Yeah, Alexis kinda looks like an alien-human hybrid with that massive forehead and the tiny features, but she’s got one set of features that are thankfully quite large, so between them and Pete’s agony, I’m enjoying the subplot immensely. Only four more episodes left this season. Why must God rob me of everything I love?

Tagged as: AMC, Mad Men.