When Do You Owe the Engagement Ring Back?-Papa’s Basement Radio Show
If a woman says “no” to a man’s marriage proposal, she owes him the ring back. It takes a real pigslut to think otherwise. But what if she says yes, […]
I’m in my early 30s. With regard to television and movies, I am a wealth of knowledge pertaining to nearly all programing aimed at my demo. Boardwalk Empire, The Walking Dead…if I haven’t seen it, I’ve at least heard of it. Somehow, though, music has passed me by. Completely. I was out the other night with a 20-year-old (don’t judge, you dried-up harpies) who asked me “What’s your favorite new group?” She might as well have asked “Have you heard of Klemklop from the planet Borgsnout?” I almost wanted to say, “Well, I did purchase the new Black Sabbath record album in an online capacity not a fortnight ago,” but then thought better of name checking a group old enough to purchase theater tickets at a discount.
So when I write about One Direction, understand I’ve heard nothing of the group outside of the music played during a Pepsi commercial they shot with Drew Brees. I believe they’re British and are a boy band formed by Simon Cowell. Outside of that, I can only surmise that the usual rumors surrounding all boy bands since time immemorial swirl about them. Let me guess: Are they gay? Have they gayed together? Did one of them vomit at a party and it visibly contained the semen of his bandmates? (I never understood how that last one worked. Wouldn’t you have to DNA test the vomit? And doesn’t vomit look like vomit regardless of content? Who at the party went, “Stand back boys…this is cumsies vomit. Time to break out the beakers!”?)
Luckily for me, whether or not you should see One Direction: This Is Us is a movie question and not a music question. And let me tell you, there is a hard and fast rule to films like this: If you aren’t a fan of the band before the movie, seeing their backstage “can you believe what cute little rock stars we are?” antics will only make you dislike them more. If you’re 10 and a fan of One Direction, this movie will seem as necessary to you as The Passion of The Christ did to guilty Catholics and Basic Instinct did to lovers of Newman seeing vag lips. For everyone else, stay home and watch the only band documentary that’s ever appealed to people that didn’t walk in a fan of the group: This Is Spinal Tap.
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