I Survived My Vegas Vacation: Wrap that S Up, B
I’ve decided to free myself of the albatross around my neck that these articles about my trip to Las Vegas have become and summarize the excursion in a series of […]
At various times in my prolific (and successful!) career as a writer/broadcaster, I’ve made mention of Quentin Tarantino and his despicable love of feet. While, to my knowledge, QT has never come right out and confessed his crime of fappin’ to ladies’ flippers, one need look no further than his films to figure out what makes the man tick: The Pulp Fiction foot massage discussion. The scene in From Dusk Till Dawn where the character he plays, Richard Gecko, just happens to have Salma Hayek’s foot jammed in his mouth as part of her dance number. And who could forget Uma Thurman’s feet mashed in our face during Kill Bill for, conservatively, 45 uninterrupted minutes.
Recently, an email from a girl who fooled around with Quentin Tarantino surfaced, documenting what a lady is in store for if she agrees to accompany the director from dusk till dawn. (Or dusk until ten minutes after dusk. According to the email, it would seem the majority of Quentin’s stamina is expended in the editing room.) Does it confirm he’s into feet? Yes, of course it does. It’s the degree to which he’s into feet that astounds, though. He has a girl semi-undressed in his bed, and his go-to move, literally the first line out of his mouth, is “Can I suck on your toes while I jerk off?” This wasn’t a consolation, “Bitch-shot-me-down-but-Daddy-needs-his-nut” move. This was his Operation Overlord, his alpha maneuver.
Why does the fact that Quentin Tarantino (or anyone else) is into feet bother me on such a visceral level? Really, I couldn’t tell you. I’m guilty of having my own fetishes, namely that every woman should have black hair, brown eyes, 36-24-36 measurements, be 5’7″ and wear glasses. (If you want variety, I hear you, brother, which is why I’ll permit two skin tones in my army of slutty librarian fembots: Milky white and olive.) Maybe it’s that feet seem so inherently dirty. Yes, the human mouth is filled with more disease than a Komodo dragon’s, and, if your sexual trick-or-treating involves knocking at the back door, I don’t have to explain to you what comes out of there (psst, it looks like Robocop’s food). Additionally, I’ve never seen a foot that I found attractive. Oh, I’ve seen plenty that are gross (we can start with Uma Thurman’s aforementioned seal flipper of an appendage), but none that inspired a modicum of lust in me.
Who knows? Maybe I just haven’t met the right foot. All I can say for now is I find them disgusting, and, to the ladies who think it’s cute to touch their man (especially in his hogular region) with their feet while lying in bed together, it isn’t. It’s happened to me on more than one occasion, and each time it’s awakened in me martial arts skills I wasn’t aware I possessed, like Jason Bourne. You’re taking your lives in your hands, girls.
Kayla on June 30, 2011
Amen. Feet are gross.
Al on July 27, 2011
Well like the saying goes, “Don’t knock it until you try it”! I agree that some people hate dirty disgusting feet as well as I do because they don’t take good care of them. But also I love women’s clean, healthy, pedicured feet and I don’t see nothing wrong with that. It ain’t no different from when a guy sticks his dick in a girl’s bunghole, pulls out, and have her suck on it (known as ATM Ass To Mouth), now that’s gross. As far as my favorite film director goes he was just only fulfilling his fetish desires and it’s not like he’s killing somebody, although he should’ve asked first before saying “Can I suck your toes”? I know that obviously he found the wrong narrow minded woman who should have been happy or should I say lucky she getting some damn attention. By the way @ Kayla, not all feet are gross, it’s those who don’t take good care of them like they should.
Ben on August 7, 2013
Barf, girls with glasses?
You might not be into it, but who are you to call out Tarantino on how he does things in bed? Really, some people go down on feet first, some go down and put their lips on girls’ rear end (Which I find truly revolting). But to each their own. I just don’t see the point of making a big deal about it.
Fetish’s are called fetish’s for a reason. It’s not something you’ll figure out, it’s like describing to a blind person what color is, it’s a qualia.