Reviewing Ride Along Without Having Seen It

People like to cry the word “racism” at things I don’t believe are all that racist. For example, when Paula Deen admitted under oath that she had used the word “nigger” so man years ago that it predated the Emancipation Proclamation, did it really matter in any way, shape or form? Was she saying it in public, in a demeaning way that could change hearts and minds? Did she say it affected her hiring practices? If I turn out the lights in my bathroom and say the word “nigger” three times in front of the mirror, am I now a racist? (And would the ghost of Richard Pryor leap out of that mirror?)

I’ll tell you what I think is racist: The fact that nearly all comedies with a black cast are in the vein of Ride Along, ie slapstick farces with incredibly simple premises. Why are there no films characterized by edgy, clever humor with a black lead and predominantly black actors? Hell, it goes for dramas as well. There’s no black Juno. No black Her. No black Clerks. And the irony of those films is that they’re directed and cast by people who probably think they’re the most liberal beings on Earth without a racist bone in their bodies. Yet it probably didn’t cross their minds to get a black actor in the mix for anything other than a sidekick role, where said character will of course be portrayed as incredibly wise and free of buffoonery because everyone wants to make sure the only example of a black dude in their film is a thoroughly positive one.

When you really sit down and think about it, Hollywood is telling us that black motion pictures with any sort of budget can only be the safest fare, be they incredibly low-brow comedies or simple, uninspired drama. And I honestly don’t know if it’s because they’ve done testing and found that black casts simply don’t sell as well (which is entirely possible) or because the people making interesting movies don’t even think to black actors and actresses because they’ve seen only white actors doing the deep work that they find compelling (also entirely possible).

I’m not saying this in any sort of “Let’s protest until more black actors are seen on the screen” way because, when things do go down in that manner (like the very-ballyhooed addition of Sasheer Zamata to the SNL cast), I think we can all agree it feels weird and wrong and sends a lousy message that pissing and moaning is the only way for black people to get their breaks. This is all simply food for thought, especially in light of how black entertainers are so often at the trendsetting forefront of other facets of the entertainment industry, like music and standup, in a very organic manner. You don’t look at Kanye West or Chris Rock and think they’re at the top of their game for any other reason other than they’re very talented. It would be nice to see that happen to some extent in television and movies as well.

Christ, I forgot this was a review of Ride Along. Stay the hell away from that obvious flaming bag of dogshit on the doorstep of your intellect. This movie is going to make Taxi look like The Seventh Seal. You’ve been warned.