Papa’s Basement Radio Show 8-6-12-Parties and Other Antics
It’s rare, but, once in a while, I go out and socialize. Thankfully Friday was one of those evenings I cleaned the cobwebs out of my pussy long enough to […]
My apologies for not getting this “article” out on Friday. Or Monday. Or Tuesday. Between the locksmith business I own and spending a few days working on the set of an educational puppet movie (strangely enough, that’s not a euphemism for anything sexual), something had to give.
Another weekend, another unwanted Hollywood reboot that’s come and gone like an egg fart in a stiff breeze. This week, it was Total Recall‘s turn to fail to wow at the box office, and it did not disappoint (to disappoint). At this point, it’s safe to declare two cold, hard facts:
1. People aren’t going to get excited about remakes of movies that came out within their lifetime.
2. Arnold Schwarzenegger is a god among men and his films should be considered sacrosanct.
Regarding point number one, people hate getting the same thing over and over, even if it has a slight cosmetic change. Just ask the guy whose wife of ten years thinks she’s going to spice things up by putting on a wig and playing a “sexy character”. If wifey wanted to be a real team player, she’d let her man bang a hooker once in a while, or at least bring him a new bottle of Astroglide and leave the house with the kids in tow for a few hours. The last thing he wants is to play with those tired titties yet again until a crying baby pulls them away then spend the next week pulling strands of wig hair off of his clothing.
And that’s all these rebooted films are: 40-something tits with a wig on top of a hard-lined face. The world is dying for some new cinematic-strange to give it a celluloid woody. I realize movies are a numbers game now, designed to move X amount of tickets, Y amount of merchandise and Z amount of DVDs, and a movie that was a hit once can probably be a hit again, but it’s getting tiresome.
As for point number two (haha, number two), it’s time for the world to admit that Arnold Schwarzenegger was a much better actor than he was given credit for during his day. Well, maybe he wasn’t a good actor, but he had a certain watchability and charisma that everyone who has stepped into his movie roles (Colin Farrell in Total Recall, Jason Momoa in Conan the Barbarian, Adrien Brody in Predators) has sorely lacked.
I think it’s due to the absurdity everyone recognized when watching a muscled, stone-jawed titan with a thick Teutonic accent starring in blockbuster American films. The situation was akin to seeing a bear ride a unicycle: Yes, a human being could technically do it better, but, holy shit, we wanna see the bear do it! Thank Jesus Expendables 2 is coming soon and, with it, more Arnold. See, Hollywood, that’s all we want — movies that are basically the same as what we’ve seen for 30 years but with a different name. Is that so difficult?
Tony on August 9, 2012
Agreed in general. Although the original Conan was so, so tame compared to the source material that I actually enjoyed the new one. It’s more what I would have expected. I *still* don’t associate Arnold as Conan in my mind — the rest, sure.