The Lamest Radio Freebie Ever
For those that know me, I bitch a lot about my various jobs in radio. Which is fair, given the industry is dying, I’m barely on the air and my […]
“Riding through this woooooooorld…” the familiar strains of “Sons of Anarchy”‘s theme song fill the Papageorgiou household on a Tuesday night. Television shows that we can watch as a family are a big deal, because there is little else we manage to do together without fighting. This isn’t a slight against us as a family: We’re just Greek. Greeks fight when in close proximity to each other, like betta fish or rappers. “Sons of Anarchy” is the latest in a long, proud line of shows that allow us to express our love for each other by silently sitting in the same room, waiting to bludgeon anyone who so much as breathes loudly. So, how does this newbie stack up?
If you’ve ever seen an episode of “The Sopranos,” then the gist of SoA will be familiar to you: A bunch of criminals live lives of shooting guns, banging loose women and evading the authorities, but, at the end of the day, they have the same boring problems, be it fighting with their families or making ends meet, that we all do. And therein lies the problem with SoA: There doesn’t seem to be much new ground covered here. Not only that, but it’s shown on FX Network, meaning there’s no nipples and nothing stronger than the word “shit” can be used. Call me a purist, but I’m gonna go with the fat wops who drop f-bombs while banging their naked goomars over the Hitler Youth with abs of steel any day of the week. So, in spite of its shortcomings, what about “Sons of Anarchy” do I manage to derive enjoyment from? Well, the big reason is the cast.
Ron Perlman and Katey Sagal do excellent jobs as the aging patriarch and matriarch of the Sons of Anarchy, though I can’t say they’re the prettiest couple to watch on tv. Don’t get me wrong, because they’re both fine actors (I especially get a kick out of seeing Peggy Bundy shoot people), it’s just that, if they ever mated in real life, the proportions of the child created would be evocative of something from the Hellrasier universe. They also gave Katie’s character a titanic scar between her boobs, as if her massive, veiny hands that could grasp a paint bucket like a Coors Light can weren’t enough to weird viewers out. There better be one hell of a plot line tied into that thing, because I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve gotten a mild chub-on staring at her implants only to have it retract so quickly that it bruises my bladder after seeing that wound.
Beyond the cast, the show is beautifully shot, and you can tell FX put more than a few bucks into making it look nice. Given television’s trend toward nothing but reality shows that can be made on the budget of a mid-80s porno, it’s nice to see actual writers and actors at work with some special effects in the mix. Though the violence quotient of the gunfights definitely needs to be souped up: Sure, bullets fly, but no one gets lethally wounded. Would it be too much to ask to see one skull explode like the mashed potatoes in John Belushi’s mouth in Animal House? I feel like I’m watching a gunfight from an old episode of “G.I. Joe.” How long until I hear Cobra Commander hiss, “Cobra, attack!” and blue and red laser beams start flying? Just saying.
So there you have it. While it doesn’t break new ground, “Sons of Anarchy” gives more than enough of that pulpy, underworld thrill that you need out of crime drama to make it worth watching. I never feel like my intelligence has been too insulted after an episode, and it manages to keep my family silent for 60 glorious minutes a week. As far as the Papageorgious go, that’s a thumbs up.
Moira on November 13, 2009
Regarding your comment on Ron Perlman’s looks – just so you know, twenty years ago he was in a series with an average viewership of 13,000,000, all women. And every Friday night when it aired there wasn’t a dry pair of drawers from coast to coast among them.
Do you believe you could have that kind of effect on the female population?
I’m thinking no.
Perlman is far and away the best looking male I’ve ever seen. I’d gladly shave 10 years off my life for a single fuck.
Again, you got any takers for that kind of deal?
No?
Your review was amusing, but you shouldn’t comment on areas in which you are obviously ignorant, such as what turns a woman on. Ask your wife if I’m wrong about that.
Mrs Payrez on November 13, 2009
As a straight woman, I’d rather bang Katey Sagal than Ron Perlman.
Moira on November 14, 2009
If acting talent is any indicator of performance in bed – physical awareness, emotional intensity, ability to connect with another – then I would guess that both Mr. Perlman and Ms. Sagal would deliver on an outstanding lay. From my own careful observation, however, it is only Mr. Perlman who has the very large dick, and you cannot convince me that said lengthy accoutrement would not swing your inclination in the other direction.
fuck you on April 25, 2010
British people aint intimidating? i guess you never met the Krays, still the only thing frightening about Americans is the volume of their voices 😉 like a bag of foul wind
Frank Drakman on January 20, 2011
I love Ron Perlman…because he’s so damn ugly.
Plus, he’s thrown us some fantastic V.O. work for some of my favorite games – but he got his start as a caveman, and it’s no secret why.
Besides, we ugly people run the world; pretty folks are just for fucking.
This show, with its above average cast, suffers from a bad case of I-cannot-make myself-care-about-these-white-trash-assholes-no-matter-how-long-I-watch…-itis.
[I am the “white trash” offspring of a biker, btw, and could easily pass for an extra on this show]
The writing is stale as the the beer farts in grandpa’s lazy-boy, and it’s a good thing the lead is cute – because there is nothing else interesting about him whatsoever. But perhaps that’s just it; there’s nothing worth paying attention to when it comes to these folks.
I have certainly always found them – for the most part – quite fucking dull.
lol @ moira on April 10, 2011
Moira must be trolling because the show she’s talking about was Beauty & The Beast on CBS and Ron Perlman looked like a Lion in it, so she must be one of those furries. I remember that show being so bad that women would watch it to laugh if anything, but they did like that show Moonlighting, so Moira may be thinking of that one, because I don’t see how someone dressed like a Lion can turn 13,000,000 people on unless they have a fetish for animals.
krays? on April 10, 2011
@fuck you
You must be trolling. 25% of the World’s prisoners live in America, which is screwed up when we’re 5% of the world’s total population. The UK is known for people getting stabbed and drunken brawls over sports. The Justice system in the UK is a joke, they’re much more well taken care of and catered to, and while Manchester has it’s share of scary people, it’s mostly stabbings. They can sure be crazy, but they wouldn’t last a week in America if they came here thinking they were hard, Americans are loud when they’re the ones not doing shit, those who really get down aren’t boastful.
Sons of Anarchy is great, but Jax is the most annoying character and has his accent is always weird, I always think about the way he sounds when he talks, he sounds fine with his American accent but there’s something off about it, and call the show what it is, Hamlet on Bikes. Look up any references to Hamlet and this show. British people either always complaining about how scary and violent is out here or they try to downplay what it’s like when they see themselves in “competition” with us, in this case the user posting above likes to think the worst of his in his spare time but then he goes on to think people there are more intimidating… Alright then, how bout they can be intimidating all they want, that’s not what gets shit done at the end of the day, it’s action which they clearly lack, with all their cameras on every corner and lame stabbings and hooligan nonsense. The worst American movies I seen lately have some bad British actors in them, even shows like The Cape make Vinnie Jones look like he should go back to playing Football to grow his balls back.
SF/FS on May 4, 2011
wow ok. it’s obvious that the people who commented saying the show is dull and stale have never watched more than 1 episode, MAYBE 2. and ugh…. yeah even the fucking writer of the show said it’s loosely based off Hamlet… they’re not trying to hide it, so ok continue to point out the obvious.
if you actually think about it, soa is one of the only good shows that airs on tv nowadays. all the other’s are alot of reality tv and retarded cartoons.
you realize that you fags are a few of maybe no more than a hundred people on the web that think this show sucks. i mean you can personally not like it….but it’s really dumb and ignorant to say that it sucks. so gg.
Felix on May 24, 2011
This show has a AMAZING plot, everything fits in together you have to keep watching and you’ll get hooked. I dont know where your getting this dullness from, I think they go in depth with every character and every episode I learn a little more. I can see how you can dislike this show as that is your opinion, but blatantly stating it sucks is wrong. I love SOA and I’d recommend it to anybody.
pete on June 16, 2011
How did a young punk who is such a fairy get to be VP of the club? His ridiculous swagger and white tennis shoes make me laugh every time he appears, as intimidating as fairy floss.
ChocoLoveBox Sucks Clit on December 26, 2011
The plot makes no sense. This MC is full of school girls who can’t shoot worth crap from more than 2 feet away. They have zero sense of strategy (despite a bunch of them being ex-military), make absolutely NO money after season 1, yet somehow can still afford to keep Jax in Galco holsters and Glocks.
And honestly, where’s the business sense? The show starts with them getting all their weapons stolen and the warehouse burns. We then progress to them using ALL their money to build the Kara-Kara porn studio, which is promptly burned and the owner killed. They then do a deal to move a whopping DOZEN SEMI-AUTOMATIC .1911s up the coast, taking the entire crew to do it. The way this show portrays its characters shames shooters, bikers, policeman, and families. However, if you need a mentor on shirking responsibility, missing every shot you fire, being a general pussy (and not the kind this site’s administrator likes), then hey, almost any character in this show will do.
Corey woolvett on February 3, 2012
used to like this show but the writing is awful the last episode of season 4 was just god awful seeing Jax sit in the presidents seat honestly made me just go to myself well im done I actually hate this show, what a waste of time oh well at least I have Sopranos, The Wire re-runs and Breaking Bad shows with some actual balls where character you know die in gun fights, or their actions have some sort of consequences for christ sakes JAx drove down a packed highway firisng a gin from his motorcycle and murdered a guy and nothing happened AWFUL WRITING!!!!
Matthew on September 27, 2013
Come to my town in britain and say that you fucking keyboard coward.
Truthful1 on September 29, 2014
Greek people are short, ugly, smell bad, have too much body hair in the wrong places, & they tend to be fruity…yes tooty fruity. I am not against homosexuality but the bi-sexual men has got to go. There is nothing more unattractive then a male that likes both. Pick a side/team. Females don’t look bad being bi-sexual… just males. Greek females have mustache
Dire Badger on October 3, 2014
“The A-Team” on bikes is not terrible, but Jax keeps sounding like an australian still working on an American accent (Yes, I know he’s a limey).
It’s better than ‘how I met your mother’ but it has a long way to go towards being quality entertainment. Katey and Ron are great actors, but they are not really at their best, and with the exception of Tig and Bobby I have a hard time believing any of the actors belong on a bike.