Taco Bell is the LEGO of fast food: It has six different “bricks” – meat, cheese, tortillas, beans, taco shells and sour cream – which it regularly mashes into different combinations, then declares “Hey, we made a new product!” Usually, it’s a success. After all, those are pretty tasty bricks. As far as I know, they’ve never tried to top off a chalupa with vinegar or gerbil feces.
Meaning that when I heard a “Beefy Nacho Burrito” existed, I was more than game to try it. Who doesn’t like beef? Cows are stupid animals whose flatulence destroys the ozone layer. You’re practically a conservationist every time you eat one. And nacho cheese is the perfect food lubricant. Ever have to eat a dry piece of anything? Slather it in nacho cheese. It’ll slam down your throat faster than an overenthusiastic Puerto Rican on Key West. And if I have to explain why a food in burrito form is better than its non-burrito counterpart, get back on the short bus and keep counting how many crayons can fit up your nose.
So, after visiting El Bell and purchasing one, did the Beefy Nacho Burrito live up to my expectations? Yes. Absolutely. Look, don’t get me wrong, I understand this isn’t fine dining. The burrito wasn’t served to me under glass. But for 99 cents, a burrito filed with nacho cheese, tortilla chips and meat is as good as it’s going to get. I award the Taco Bell Beefy Nacho Burrito four out of five clogged arteries. My only recommendation is replacing the taco beef with beans or chicken or anything else. Taco Bell’s beef has always seemed suspect to me. It’s like meat made a baby with kitty litter. Despite that, I can still wholeheartedly recommend bouncing your man-boobs over to Taco Bell for the Beefy Nacho Burrito. And tell ’em Papa’s Basement sent you. (They’ll have no idea what you’re talking about, but it will make me laugh.)
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