Most of the time, my “Reviewing X Without Having Seen It” articles are a chance to make fun of movies that anyone with a brain realizes will be utter crap. There are rare instances, however, when Hollywood lets a film slip out that might not be a complete dumpster fire. […]
In the history of movie making, two good horror films have been produced: The Exorcist and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There might be a few others I genuinely respect that I’m forgetting, but I enjoy starting off articles with grandiose, pompous statements that inflame and titillate. Despite my prejudice against […]
The Words looks like the biggest movie coming out today, so I’ll write about it. (They really don’t like putting any movies with a budget up against the NFL’s opening weekend, do they?) It’s a movie about a book, a concept I’ll never understand. You don’t make a car about […]
PG-13 horror is like gay porn: Remove the descriptor, and you’re left with a word I might have been interested in. The Apparition is the latest in a long line of non-R rated cash grabs designed to pry away the allowance money of our nation’s morbidly obese, academically under achieving […]
Before I begin, I want to apologize for the lack of writing on the site. Life’s been a pain in the ass lately, and Google took a shit on my ranking for some reason, so even fewer people are coming through here than before. I promise to not take another […]
My apologies for not getting this “article” out on Friday. Or Monday. Or Tuesday. Between the locksmith business I own and spending a few days working on the set of an educational puppet movie (strangely enough, that’s not a euphemism for anything sexual), something had to give. Another weekend, another […]
There’s a moment when you’re about to sleep with an attractive woman that I call “smilerection”–You smile, because banging attractive women is awesome, and you get an erection, because that’s how sex is made (or so I’ve heard on the playground). Clicking on the aggregate Rotten Tomatoes rating for The […]
The mass-shooting in Aurora, CO has led to a bit of “Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?” when discussing The Dark Knight Rises. But being the brave soldiers we are over at Papa’s Basement, we knew there was a job to be done. So we set aside […]
Ah, The Dark Knight Rises. The summer movie most anticipated by grown men still living in their parents’ homes across the globe. I have a love-hate relationship with Christopher Nolan’s Batman films. On one hand, it’s hard to argue against what a bold, masterful take they are on such a […]