Should I Have Watched the State of the Union Address?
I don’t feel very proud admitting this, but last night, I skipped watching the State of the Union address. At first, I felt no remorse about the decision, but it […]
If you don’t live in the DC area, you may never comprehend the sheer idiocy that I witnessed during Wednesday evening’s commute, in which the region was hit with a moderate-not large-amount of snow. (We’re talking at most eight inches, or, as I refer to it, a John’s worth. Hiyo!) More than once I have acknowledged the fact that residents of the District and its suburbs can’t cope with a single flake touching the asphalt. It was said, however, in good fun, and I figured that people in general are idiots and the citizens of other cities with similarly infrequent exposures to snow also behaved thusly. Well, the rose-tinted glasses are off, and it’s time to take the crown from the head of one George Costanza and place it squarely upon the more-than-deserving DC metropolitan area as I anoint it the new “King of the Idiots.”
People in this area are used to enduring horrible, multi-hour traffic-laden commutes to and from work. Ours is a region of worker bees that live only to log their 40 hours and spend every other waking moment drinking their faces off in an attempt to blot the subconscious disgust with themselves from their psyche. Somehow, with just enough snow falling at just fast enough a pace, however, those commutes simply stalled out. People were stuck in the same place for over 12 hours in some instances. And was all of this due to just the snowfall? Here’s a hint: It wasn’t. In fact, a lot of the standstill stemmed from the fact that some people simply abandoned their cars in the middle of the road when the snow simply became “too much.”
I’m an inherently selfish man. I’ve never pretended otherwise. But when you get on a public road, life stops being about just you. And to screw literally every other person just trying to make it home by abandoning your vehicle in the middle of the road because you panicked is, as far as I’m concerned, a crime greater than any Jeffrey Dahmer ever committed. Anyone seen exiting their vehicle to do anything other than buy food or take a leak should have been executed on sight, T-800 hunting down Sarah Connor style. This isn’t I Am Legend. You do not get to simply leave your car on the highway.
And where did these people even go? Did they run off to find a Tauntaun to spend the night inside? I hope every last one of those cocksuckers froze to death like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining. Those that abandoned their vehicles but survived should be forced to wear a badge for the rest of their lives, just like the Nazis did to the Jews. Except instead of a yellow Star of David with“Jude” scrawled in the middle, it should be a big blue snowflake inscribed with the word “pussy.” You are filth and we’d have been better off without you.
Bubba on January 28, 2011
It’s easy to blame the problem on the utter stupidity of the population, but let’s take a moment to think out side the box. Let’s blame the “American Dream”, or at least the perception of it from out side the United States of America’s borders. The misrepresent idea that America is a land with a plethora of opportunities persists in the rest of the world. “Streets paved with gold,” an antiquated saying but it specter still haunts us… Back to the point at hand, the United States of America attracts people from foreign climates that have never, never, ever, ever, seen a snow flake. They may be the “creme de la crop” of where ever they are from, India, Pakistan, Ethiopia, Nigeria, Various parts of Central and South America, where ever…
You know what, this article has just become a rant about “Brain Drain” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_drain), the unreported side effect of increasing globalization. I’ll admit, the Russians, Swedes,(this is not racist) Norwegians, Danish,(this is still not racist) Finns, Canadians, and ethnic peoples from above the latitudinal designation of 50degrees north; they are able to cope with “Severe Winter Weather”. Yet, brain drain is not an American problem, to use base terms, it’s a symptom of globalization. Anywhere in the world that there is strife amongst the populous caused by religious, political, ethical, or moral imbalance, the educated, moral, and ethical, populous will be in a sense forcibly displace. For you ever growing public, I was born in Washington DC, lived in Virginia most of my life, I choose to move to Finland because the educational prospects are “more inviting and profitable”. I’ve been attending collage for four years and I haven’t had to pay a days worth of tuition, (Socialism: It’s a small country so it works). My point here is that brain drain, it’s not a one way street (everything to America), it’s a multi-directional highway. All highways encounter congestion…
Yes, the rant continues. Ok, to bring it around 360, the title The DC Snow Storm Robbed Me of My Faith in Humanity, “On tasan oikea!” struck a cord, hit the nail on the head, “tasan” exactly. I would like to rant more about how I live with an Ethiopian and a Nigerian in Finland and how the possibility of them accepting Finnish social and ethical norms is a possible fruitless journey. (my Nigerian flat mate is a respectful guy, tells me stories of working at a Nigerian bank working to approve loans, and how some times when he didn’t approve alone his car would be attacked by gunmen.) But, the truth is, expect more of the same…
Yes this is a rant, Republicans want a war budget, Democrats want a progress budget. War brings technological innovation through necessity, progress brings technological innovation through demand. America it going to continue to attract peoples from around the world despite their background, making their way for respite, before the “American Disappointment”, and yes your commute will continue to be as congested as Elvis’s colon on his dying day.
realizing I ramble I cut it short…
My rant in summation. The emphasis of religion over education around the world, displacement of population due to violence, general lack of morality and ethics, are all the cause of your fucked up morning commute.
Thanks, for giving me a soap box from which to rant. Your my number one archenemies.
Fuck off eat shit and then die,
B’Man
ginger on January 28, 2011
Tell us how you really feel. I’m glad the asses in Detroit know how to drive.
Brian on January 29, 2011
I saw Will’s comment this morning on Facebook about how it’s ok to take a spot after someone dug it out. Look, I like Will, but that’s bullshit. If I spend an hour and a half digging out the spot it’s not so some lazy piece of shit can slide right in the moment I leave to go to work.
I propose the following rule: a person who digs out a common parking space is entitled to one day of uninterrupted use for every 6 inches of snow that fell (amount adjusted downward for ice). If you pull into a spot you didn’t dig out you’re entitled to a tire slashing. Fair?