The Hunt for Hilary Banks
As a kid, there were a few sitcom stars I had crushes on. Six of Blossom fame and Topanga of Boy Meets World (seen here and here, respectively, making strong […]
To be honest with you, my life has been in a rut lately. Sure, the website is doing well and I (somehow) manage to have listeners to my radio show, but I’m turning 30 at the end of the week, bring home paychecks that might as well be IOU notes for 40 acres and a mule and I’m fairly certain the last time I drained my nuts in a broad, the name “Justin Bieber” meant nothing to me. Something wonderful, something terrifically beyond my current comprehension of pleasure, needed to come along and shake things up in a big way. And that’s exactly what happened this weekend when I purchased and iPhone 4.
Up until now, I had resisted buying a smartphone. Amazing as they seemed, paying an extra $30 dollars a month for the data plans they necessitated seemed horribly extravagant, not to mention giving myself access to Internet pornography everywhere reeked of a lawsuit or traffic accident waiting to happen. After waking up from my third depression-siesta of the day on Saturday, however, I knew something had to give. I called my friend Matt and told him we were making a beeline for the Verizon store. An hour later, I had my brand new iPhone 4 in tow at a Mexican restaurant, holding it aloft like Simba atop Pride Rock as I gleefully shoveled food into my beaming, fat face, the Netflix app streaming an episode of King of the Hill for our viewing pleasure. “Matt,” I managed to spit out in between fist-sized bites of enchilada, “this phone changes everything. How could I ever be depressed in a world that contains wonders such as it?”
Two days later, the afterglow has yet to fade. Will it eventually? Sure. The beauty of all worldly things is transient. The new car you just drove home will one day be a rusted-out jalopy. The woman you’d wrestle a bear to marry will become a sagging-titted albatross around your neck that drains your masculinity like a shotgunned beer before kicking your castrato corpse into the grave. For the fleeting moment that I feel it, though, I’m going to savor this ecstasy. The basic tenants of Buddhism can rim me: Buying the iPhone 4 totally brought me happiness.
WineWear on February 21, 2011
Agreed. I upgraded upon the release in June from a old palm smart phone from sprint that was a Zack Morris phone look alike . You probably should look into the apps that can hide your unsavory apps and pictures from those who wish to browse your phone . Will prevent much embarrassment.
Pixi on February 21, 2011
Man, I’ve had my iPhone for two years now, and it hasn’t faded. Saved my ass too. Now I need to upgrade to a 4.
Oh, and bypass YouPorn altogether. There is nothing like the iPhone porn grid. You’re welcome. You’ll be thanking me for that one.