This is Why Every Other Country Hates America

There was a time – a more innocent time – in my life when I believed the reasons the enemies of America hated us were manyfold. Our support of Israel. Our colonialist policies. Our women who shave their vaginas and the fact we have ample pornographic evidence to prove that they do. After laying my eyes on this, however, I know that is all bullshit. People hate us because we have ads in our malls directing you to buy clothing for your dog at Victoria’s Secret.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this country. Outside of the shitty healthcare, cutthroat corporations that exported away our entire economy and rampant morbid obesity, I can’t think of much I’d change. If the world were high school, we would be the blonde cheerleader with tits as big as softballs and an ass so firm you could use it as a bottle opener. But seeing things like this drives me nuts. If you have enough money that dressing your goddamn pet is an option, send some of it to one of those flies-in-the-eyes countries instead. Or to me. Because the letters you get from me telling you what I did with that money each month would be a lot wilder than hearing about some water purification system being built in my village. I guarantee you that.

Tagged as: Funny picture.