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Reviewing Titanic 3D Without Having Seen It

admin April 6, 2012


I vividly remember struggling with the tracking after pausing this scene on the Titanic VHS so it'd stay still long enough to rub one out. Internet pornography has spoiled these kids today. It makes me feel like the Daniel Boone of masturbation by comparison.

This post has a misleading title, because I’ve seen Titanic before (though it was the normal version and not this tarted-up 3D affair). I remember hating it until, as they say in the movie industry, “Shit went down, son,” at which point I laughed myself hoarse watching a bunch of moustachioed Irish peasants slide into the icy depths. 15 years have passed, and I still don’t like the film. James Cameron should have stuck to what he does best: Epic, manly masterpieces like Terminator 2 and Aliens. His decision to do Titanic made as much sense as Jenna Jameson laying down a jazz fusion album in between filming The F-Zone and Cum One, Cum All. The only way I’m watching this piece of crap is if they make Kate Winslet’s muff so poofy that I feel a hair caught in my throat.

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