The Redskins Will Kill Me–Washington Redskins 23 – New York Giants 27

RGIII is Amazing–Really going out on a limb with this one. Before the season began, I figured it would be a story of how the Redskins mortgaged their future for a quarterback who revealed himself to be, at best, a slow learner of the NFL’s ways. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m not sure there’s a man out there currently I’d prefer under center for my team to he-named-three. He’s mobile. He’s accurate. He even sounds intelligent in post-game conferences. If he Cam Newton’s his sophomore season, I will hang myself with my own intestines. Not that I’m too into football or anything.

I Hate Eli Manning–None of his brother’s charm, all of the retard dunce chin. Eli spoiled what should have been an amazing victory for the Redskins with a last-second touchdown to Victor Cruz. The guy has an “aww, shucks” demeanor, but it is in no way endearing. It just makes me want to shove him down in the mud and take his lunch money.

The Redskins’ Secondary is Garbage–I’m not saying the aforementioned game-ending pass to Victor Cruz could have been prevented, but the Redskins’ two corners are roughly as fast as this duo. Next year’s draft will probably be spent augmenting the offensive line so that RGIII isn’t calling plays with the aid of a helper monkey because his brain has been concussed to mush, but it would be nice if an unstoppable cover corner was added to the mix. I realize it’ll be difficult with the salary cap sanctions that will carry over into next season, but perhaps the team can contact Miles Bennett Dyson about sneaking a few T-800s into the mix as undrafted free agents.

Fred Davis’ Injury Means It’s Cooley Time!–Rejoice, white women of the DC metro area! The hero of your masturbatory gridiron fantasies, Christopher Cooley, is back! Resume wearing your pink #47 jerseys and cheering obnoxiously any time the man makes a reception. I know I will :-*

Tagged as: NFL Football, Washington Redskins.