The White Trashiest Wedding Songs of the 80s

I was born in the 80s, the decade that invented quickie divorces. Meaning I had to attend the second (and third!) weddings of several of my delinquent friends’ mothers. This exposed me to some of the worst music of the decade because said moms were uniformly white trash with horrible taste, especially when it came to their trite, tacky choices of wedding songs. Here is a list of music I was assaulted with at those countless nuptials, each one a four minute masterpiece of letting the crowd know this one wasn’t going to last, either. Cue the Miller High Life toast!

A lot of these songs are technically from the early 90s, but, until grunge came along, all music counted as 80s music. Don’t try disputing it. And each link goes to an Amazon purchase of the song so I can actually make five cents off this site. I just typed that to make you feel mildly guilty as you ignored me and went to YouTube to watch all of these videos. A little Jewish Mom 101 can’t hurt.

“Angel“–Aerosmith
“After the Rain“–Nelson
“(Can’t Live Without Your) Love and Affection“–Nelson
“Every Rose Has Its Thorn“–Poison
“Heaven”–Bryan Adams
“Heaven“–Warrant
“High Enough“–Damn Yankees
“I Want to Know What Love Is“–Foreigner
“I’ll Be There For You“–Bon Jovi
“I’ll Never Let You Go“–Steelheart
“Keep On Loving You“–REO Speedwagon
“Love Of a Lifetime“–Firehouse
“More Than Words“–Extreme
“Nothing Compares 2 U“–Sinéad O’Connor
“Open Arms“–Journey
“To Be With You“–Mr. Big
“When It’s Love“–Van Halen

Which cuts did I miss? Let the world know in the comments.