Papa’s Basement 2-7-11-Does Family Guy Suck?
Since it’s inception, I’ve been a pretty big Family Guy supporter. That is, until I caught the show’s Return of the Jedi parody, It’s a Trap, which might have fewer […]
Super Bowl XLV has come and gone and I have to say I’m disappointed. It isn’t that I wasn’t rooting for the Packers or that the game wasn’t close. Still, something seemed off.
For starters, the commercials sucked. I recall literally none of them other than a Sketchers ad featuring Kim Kardashian that was laughable not only because it ended with her hitting on a white guy, but because her ass had been CGI’d so much that it no longer resembled livestock proportions. Look, I’m Greek. If this magazine were real, I’d have a lifetime subscription. Anyone who thinks an olive skinned brunette with an hourglass figure isn’t in my wheelhouse because I look like this guy is tragically mistaken. But Kim’s ass is just too goddamn dumpy. The worst part is I’m 100% sure it’s fake and she probably had a good one to begin with. Most Armenian broads do, which is a fact I’ll elaborate upon in my future article “Eugenics and the Ass.”
The Super Bowl halftime show featuring the Black Eyed Peas was also lackluster, but what really drove me batshit was everyone complaining about it on Twitter and Facebook. (Probably MySpace, too, but that site’s as relevant as a goddamn cave painting, so who knows?) Look, I’m no fan of BEP, but they’re a pop act. To get mad at them because their performance was “too mainstream” or “not edgy enough” is to get upset with your dog because he can only show his love by licking your face and doesn’t send you texts throughout the day detailing your awesomeness. Would it have been fantastic if their performance ended with Jim Carrey coming out dressed up as Ace Ventura, spinning Fergie around and lifting up her leather skirt to reveal the tip of her tucked cock? Of course. But in the wake of Janet Jackson pulling out that rice-pudding-in-a-Ziploc titty of hers, just be thankful they aren’t putting The Veggietales on stage.
So there you have it. Boring commercials, a lackluster halftime show and, most importantly, a game that didn’t really excite. At least Green Bay’s final defensive stand, where they stopped Ben Roethlisberger on four consecutive plays, should go down in NFL history. You’ve heard of plays so big that they live on by name alone, like the Immaculate Reception and The Fumble, right? Well, I’m going to dub Green Bay’s final effort the “No Means No.”
Post comments (1)