Reviewing Wreck-It Ralph Without Having Seen It

Another week, another computer-animated film designed to hit all the right notes with both child and adult audiences. This week, it’s Disney’s Wreck-It Ralph, featuring the fantastic John C. Reilly as the titular character, a video game villain who tires of being the bad guy and sets out to see what life is like as a hero. In the interest of saving time, I’m going to come out and say this now: I’m sure the film is great.

No, it’s not because the video game-based premise makes my nerd-heart soar. And it’s not because I’d watch Mike Honcho in literally anything. It’s because the only decently made movies with a budget anymore are superhero flicks and these Pixar-esque kids movies. That’s it. As far as the studios are concerned, anything else isn’t a guaranteed enough moneymaker to justify both a special effects budget and a decent script/director combination.

And who can blame them? They’re right. It’s not like they’re arriving at these conclusions without a shred of proof, like some racist uncle telling you the NBA is full of blacks because they have an extra bone in their ankle that facilitates leaping. They look at box office results. They do demographic research. And, in today’s marketplace, this is what works. As a nation, we only want to learn a life lesson during a movie if it’s Batman or Buzz and Woody doing the teaching.

Let me be clear: I’m being as big a hypocrite about this as there is. I’ve seen two movies in theaters this year: Moonrise Kingdom and The Dark Knight Rises. Neither of them was exactly an off-the-radar art house darling. Last week, my (pants-on) entertainment time wasn’t spent in a theater–I stayed at home and finally watched Freaks and Geeks via Netflix roughly 13 years after it could have used my support staying on the air. So I’m the poster child for why we’re no longer getting our Raging Bulls and Annie Halls. Do I at least have permission to be a snob about the state of current cinema because I took the time to write about it? (That wasn’t rhetorical. You can tell me in the comments.)