I Want Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan was in court in Los Angeles yesterday, facing grand theft charges stemming from allegations that she “borrowed” a $2,500 necklace a little too permanently. Here’s what she wore. […]
The trailer for X-Men: First Class hit the Internet yesterday, and it left me with mixed feelings. On one hand, I love comic book movies. Comics themselves are slow as piss, but I’ve always thought a lot of comic book characters were pretty cool (minus the costumes that couldn’t be any gayer if they had zippers on the ass for easier access), and movies about them tend to do a great job of condensing hundreds of mundane issues into a pretty compelling 90 minute narrative. On the other hand…I think the X-Men kind of blow.
Before you all crucify me for that one, allow me to explain. Every superhero has a painstakingly long origin back story that explains how they got their powers and why they chose to ultimately use them for good. For example, Spider-Man was bitten by a radioactive spider (I want to punch myself and take my lunch money for typing those words) and witnessed his father figure, Uncle Ben (yes, the black rice guy), die at the hands of a criminal he could have previously apprehended. Seeing the consequences of not using his powers to fight crime, a young Spidey dedicated himself to doing just that from there on out. Voilà. I know what Spider-Man stands for, how he came to be, and why he doesn’t use his powers to hang outside the windows of New York apartments and pleasure himself as he watches women change.
As for the X-Men? I know they all have some semblance of origin stories in the comics, but even there, it’s given short shrift, comparatively speaking. And in a movie? You really think that they have the time to explain how every last X-Man became who they are? It’d have a run time longer than The Stand. Which leaves you to assume that, when given superpowers, people automatically decide to use them for good. What a crock of shit.
Unless you explain to me why it wouldn’t be the case, I’d assume a bunch of mutants living together in a house would behave exactly like the cast of Jersey Shore. Cyclops would be using his eye lasers to shoot off girls’ bikinis. Beast would drunkenly approach women and ask if they were Muppets fans, slurring the words “Then say hi to Gonzo” if they answered in the affirmative before pulling out his furry blue dork. And Angel? If I were him, I’d be dooking on cars from above left and right. I wouldn’t even bother sewing a pair of pants for my costume. Why waste time?
Anyhow, leave a comment and let me know what you think of the X-Men: First Class trailer. Obviously, I’ll go see the film, because I really have no choice in the matter, but I’m curious as to how the rest of you feel.
Greg on February 11, 2011
I love just about all comic book movies, and you have a point. People IRL are mostly just about themselves and the lowest common denominator tends to win the day. So I’d bet your right that if people with super powers actually existed they’d just do whatever best serves them.
That being said, Comics are more about a world were that doesn’t happen, a world we want the world to be. I think that’s most of the reason people love them so much.
My issue with this movie is something different, based on what I saw it looks like they are trying to attribute the peaceful resolution to the Cuban missile crisis to people with super powers. Instead of what really happened, that cooler heads prevailed eventually. I get that it’s NOT our world. But the concept kind of bothers me and seems to take away what was really special about what actually happened.