Are You a Racist?

On Monday, CNN published an article claiming it had conducted, at the behest of Anderson Cooper, a “groundbreaking” study on race in America. And just what were the parameters of this study, which will shake our comprehension of race like nothing since this photograph? They showed a bunch of kids the image above and asked them the following:

1. What’s happening in this picture?

2. Are these two children friends?

3. Would their parents like it if they were friends?

The results were that 38% of black kids had a negative interpretation of what was going on compared to 70% of white kids, a fact I can only attribute to parents not letting their kids watch Oz at an early enough age, because it should have been 100% across the board. Seriously, how could you look at that picture and not see that Bobby/Chris are concealing a shank in their left hand as Scott/Alex prepares to fling sand in his attacker’s face and then choke them to death with the swing’s chain?

I have zero comprehension of what showing kids a bunch of photos has to do with actual race relations. Hypothetical situations are just that: hypothetical. They have zero bearing on reality. You could show me a picture of Kate Upton and ask me what the photo made me feel like doing and I’d answer something along the lines of “Rip off this woman’s top and titfuck her so hard that it’d leave a dimple in her chin.” If my words actually mattered, Miss Upton would have to spend her life walking around with a mouse trap in her cleavage. Which probably wouldn’t do good things for her career.

Tell me in the comments what YOU see in the photo above. Don’t let me down; I want a laugh.