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Reviewing Bully Without Having Seen It

admin March 30, 2012


Remember that episode of The Simpsons where Nelson drove Millhouse to suicide? Hi-larious.

One would assume that Bully offers a glimpse into the current “epidemic” of adolescent bullying. Not to sound like a dick, but I don’t get why bullying is the hot new cause du jour. People have been bullied forever, and teaching kids that the answer to bullying is to cry like a biznitch and/or kill yourself so that people will hold a candlelight vigil in your honor and say nothing but nice things about you seems a bit messed up. I mean, are either of those actions that will get you ahead in this world? Maybe they are, given how things have been going in this country for decades now. “Please don’t refer to him as a suicide: He’s a deceased American.” Ugh.

Look, nobody should be picked on because they’re fat or gay or whatever, but shit happens because kids are cruel and so is the world. Shouldn’t we encourage these fat and/or gay kids to take the eclair and/or cock out of their hand, make a fist, and smash their tormentors in the nose? I suppose we can’t do that anymore because the school would then suspend Tubsy McQueer, regardless of who initiated the fighting. So we’re raising an entire generation to not stand up for themselves and ask outsiders for help in the face of aggression. We have a name for people like that. They’re called the French. Last time I checked, they still owed us for World War II.

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