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Coach Kid Toucher, aka Jerry Sandusky

admin November 9, 2011


No, not that Sandusky. (PS-My God would I squeeze those tits like they have the last bit of toothpaste in 'em. It's a position the Kama Sutra refers to as 'Horny Blogger'.)
THAT Sandusky.

By now, most of you are familiar with the abhorrent details of the case against former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky: That he (allegedly) diddled the holy Hell out of eight boys between the mid-1990s and the late-2000s. That he founded The Second Mile, a program to assist underprivileged children that, according to its website, “would benefit from positive human contact,” which, in hindsight, is as altruistic as me starting a foundation for teenage girls whose breasts developed too early. (As an aside, they should probably remove that “contact” line from their website. Or maybe I’m just unaware that the human anus can have self-esteem pumped into it like a gas tank.) That in 2002, Mike McQueary, a graduate assistant, found Sandusky anally raping a ten year-old in a shower and told Joe Paterno, who, in turn, informed his athletic director but not the police.

The list of incidents and cover-ups goes on, and they should be enough to send the bespectacled dago head of Joe Pa himself, along with everyone else associated with the Penn State football regime, rolling. What has me so troubled about the affair is what the sports media has chosen to focus on with regard to it: Obsessing upon just how much Paterno knew and covered up while taking a “How could this happen?” bent with their coverage. It feels like little of the focus is upon Jerry Sandusky and the kids whose lives he ruined, that everyone wants to tie the story to Joe because he’s the much bigger name.

Hopefully two more big doses of nipplecillin will keep this from getting too depressing. She looks like a fuckable T-1000 in those glasses.

And for every columnist on a sports website, every talking head behind a desk at ESPN who muses how this could have happened, well, it’s because sports is huge business in America, a fact which they owe their livelihoods to. When it comes to a field that competitive, that profitable, who wants to rock the boat? Everyone involved was (correctly) prescient of the shitstorm that’d rain down upon the Penn State program if any of Sandusky’s behavior came to light, coverup or not. They probably rationalized it with logic along the lines of, “Why derail an entire program that means so much to so many over one pervert, no matter how horrific his crimes?,” engaged in a halfhearted attempt to put a stop to what he did, then went right back to planning for next week’s game.

Does that excuse the legal and moral failure of everyone aware of Jerry Sandusky’s actions within the Penn State program to report him to the police? Not a chance. But does it explain it sufficiently? Absolutely. If Joe Paterno and company were managing a McDonald’s and Jerry Sandusky was an employee who was cutting the bottom out of a Happy Meal and using it to expose himself to children, he’d have been reported to the cops after the first complaint from a kid about finding a cock instead of a Lightning McQueen toy at the bottom of the box.

To those who condemn Jerry Sandusky and Joe Paterno for their behavior and delve no further, well, no shit, molesting kids and covering it up are both pretty awful things to do. Congrats on taking a courageous moral stance. How about we ask slightly deeper questions, like what it says about us as a people and a nation that grown men conspired to keep a child molester protected so that a sport, a game could continue to be played at their university, an institution ostensibly dedicated to helping the nation’s youth and shaping their moral compass. There is a lot of guilt to go around in this matter. Make sure to accept your fair share.

May this photo helps return you to your happy place, a little wiser for the journey.

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  1. Kate Milad on November 9, 2011

    I totally agree. As someone married to a VERY intense PSU football fan, I have spent a lot of time talking about this in the last few days. I really think the media needs to start using the term “rape” instead of “molest” – “child molester” doesn’t really do justice to the action. In Paterno’s statement where he resigned today, he says he’s “going to spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to help this University.” What about doing something to educate around mandatory reporting rules for coaches, teaches, etc., setting up organizations for children who are raped as children, etc. I think his prioritization of the University over everything else is a huge part of this problem!

  2. Brian on November 10, 2011

    I was in Paterno’s corner initially, but the more I thought about it, he’s a scumbag. Hear me out:

    1) With regards to “Victim #2,” Mike McQueary told the grand jury exactly what he saw and that the next day he went to Joe Paterno and told him exactly what he saw. Paterno gave a different story, saying McQueary, while shaken, told him something inappropriate in nature occurred, but didn’t give him any of the horrible details.

    One of the two dudes is lying. I’m betting it’s Paterno.

    2) In 1998 there was an investigation into whether or not Sandusky had inappropriately touched a child on campus. You mean to tell me Patero didn’t know of the investigation? So, in 2002, when someone else comes forth and says they saw Sandusky raping a child, all Paterno did was take it up the chain of command?

    Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. At that moment he had to have known it wasn’t just a coincidence and that Sandusky truly was molesting children. Paterno should have pushed McQueary to go to the police and, if McQueary was unwilling, gone to the police himself.

    3) Paterno tried to strongarm the university administration into allowing him to quasi go out on his terms with his “I will resign at the end of the season” press release. What pissed me off the most is the following statement:

    “At this moment the board of trustees should not spend a single minute discussing my status. They have far more important matters to address. I want to make this as easy for them as I possibly can.”

    Really, asshole? You’re the face of the school and, more importantly, at the very least enabled a child molester for many years. If you want to make it as easy as possible you would have resigned effective immediately and not wait long enough for your five game victory lap.

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