Unforgivable Blackness
The other day I was going through Sports Illustrated’s Greatest American Boxing Movies (ignoring each film made before 1950 because the only people who watch those are homosexuals and women […]
After not even two years of marriage (that deuce anniversary is a bitch), Dexter stars Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter are splitting up, reportedly because Hall was getting the steamy undies for his new co-star, Julia Stiles. I can sympathize with Hall because marriage is an archaic cage designed to enslave and emasculate and does nothing for men other than reduce them to a pile of Bundy-esque rubble, but let’s not pretend that Julia Stiles is some great change of pace. Both she and Carpenter have weirdly prepubescent bodies and jutting chins that must pummel a guy’s scrotum like a speed bag during oral. In fact, Dexter as a whole is oddly devoid of attractive women. I’d sooner throw a wig on Masuka than let LaGuerta near my junk. But I digress.
I’m going to miss knowing that Dexter was actually banging his sister Deb behind the scenes. It always brought a weird and mildly incestuous vibe to every scene they shared, causing me to laugh to myself and think “What would Harry say if he knew?” (Which I’d then answer with “He’d probably offer to hold the camera, that creepy looking son of a bitch.”) And, this might sound racist (because it is), but I always thought Julia Stiles was into black dudes. Not because I have any information regarding her personal life, but because she had two roles a decade ago where she was into black dudes. Just like how I still think Anthony Hopkins eats people and C. Thomas Howell is black.
If you enjoyed the post, please feel free to click here and purchase Dexter: Seasons 1-5 on Blu-ray via Amazon. I think I make money even if you click and don’t buy, so hey, go nuts. But you should probably buy ’em just to be safe.
Amber on December 16, 2010
Hmmm …Michael and Julia actually look like brother and sister… Very weird….
Nyssa23 on December 16, 2010
This might be the best post ever on the lack of female pulchritude on “Dexter.” I applaud you, kind sir.
Brian on December 17, 2010
So, what you’re saying is, Jack Johson would crush these two bitches?
John on October 22, 2011
“And, this might sound racist (because it is)”
Haha what a great line
Split2nd on November 21, 2011
F’n hilarious…seriously …great comments and well worded… I wouldn’t touch Julia stiles with your ….
Nate on November 26, 2011
For one i never even knew they were racist and two BRAVO !!! to who ever made this post because it had me laughing all the way especially the part about harry lol.
Nate on November 26, 2011
i meant married* lol
Um...you're kind of sad... on December 5, 2011
If you hate this show so much why do you watch it? Sorry the female cast isn’t “hot” enough for you. I thought we were advanced enough that people appreciated decent acting instead of watching a show that they don’t like in the first place and then bitching about how the women look. And if you really think that “marriage is an archaic cage designed to enslave and emasculate and does nothing for men other than reduce them to a pile of Bundy-esque rubble” you’re really really sad. I don’t feel emasculated in my marriage at all and I’ve been married for 7 years. And lastly, you’ve got the part about their chins wrong because any guy who has tried knows that only fat chicks have to suck dick so….I’m pretty sure their chins aren’t pummeling anyone’s sack. So you’re obviously some pathetic pussy hiding in the basement of your mom’s house wishing you could get laid but you can’t so you just judge everyone. Ha ha.
Matt on July 17, 2012
“Both she and Carpenter have weirdly prepubescent bodies”
That’s what makes them sexy duuh.. 😉