Adventures At MOM’s Organic Market–Papa’s Basement Podcast
I suppose every region has its organic markets that make Whole Foods look like Wal Mart. In DC, it’s Mom’s Organic Market, conveniently located right next to the studio, meaning […]
While it’s funnier to trash something (especially blindly), and good comedy should be nothing more than hate speech with pauses for laughter, I’m going to go against my better instincts and say the following: Don Jon could be a very good film.
Is it because I think Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a talented visionary? No. Is it because Scarlett has somehow managed to regenerate her juicy tits like a lizard that lost its tail just in time for the movie? No. It isn’t even because I am happy to see überguinea Tony Danza back on screen after years of…I’m not really sure what Tony Danza has been doing other than waxing his upper shoulders, actually. It’s because the movie deals with the modern male’s ready access to porn and its impact on his life. At least its trailer suggests as much.
Porn is a tricky thing for lads. When we all went to college and were supposed to be asserting our independence by partying and fucking around without consequence, I was seduced by the siren of porn combined with a T3-speed Internet connection and a computer that wasn’t shared with my family. Not going out on weekends wasn’t a big issue because I was blissfully spanking my way through gigabytes of Bang Bros’ initial offerings downloaded freely from Limewire, Bearshare and all other sorts of now-illegal file swapping services. Who needs the girl in your your psych class who’s sporting the freshman 15 when a still-in-her-prime Jenna Jameson is only a click away?
To any woman reading this thinking that level of porn enjoyment marks me as some depraved fiend, 1. It does 2. My behaviors line up with those of the vast majority of men, so your boyfriends, husbands, brothers, sons and fathers are also perverts. The easy access to Internet porn has made it a huge part of the daily lives of millions of guys the world over, yet due to its risque nature, it really isn’t mentioned at all in popular media, much less in proportion to the amount of time we spend with it. There are shows about guys playing fantasy football, countless movies about men and their dogs and sitcom after sitcom dedicated to men and their circle of friends, yet how many bits of media give more than a passing joke or two to men and their porn, despite the fact a large percentage of the male population comes home from work and unwinds with a beer and Beatfest 2013 on a daily basis?
If Don Jon accurately conveys what porn means to the life of the modern male, then it will be an important film for that alone. Even if it worms out at the end with some Hollywood cop-out where Scarlett’s love and tulip areolas get 3rd Rock to start dumping loads down her throat instead of a clenched handful of tissues, the mere mention of porn having a role in a guy’s life puts its believability light-years ahead of similar films. And for that, Joseph Gordon-Levitt should get your movie dollars. (Also, if you take a date to this movie, she might not freak the hell out when she flips through your phone and finds nothing but pictures of your dong and Brazzers downloads.)
This concludes my Don Jon review. I’m literally only typing these words for the purposes of SEO. They read like the end of a 4th-grader’s essay, but if that’s what Google needs to give me hits, so be it. Don Jon review. Bam, said it again. Suck that, search engines.
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