Go See Hereafter

Yesterday, I caught a 4 pm showing of Hereafter (because that’s what barely-employed DJs do during the work day) and I want to tell you that, if you have any taste in movies whatsoever, you should go and check it out. It’s an amazing achievement-a film that deals with the afterlife in a non-maudlin, completely tasteful way.


You see, I’m agnostic, which is Greek for “I want to sound cool” (actually, it just means I don’t really think there’s proof one way or the other regarding the existence of God, so I don’t adhere to any particular religion). Don’t get me wrong: I’d like nothing more than to know that there’s a place where I go when I die where I’ll see my loved ones and old pets and I’ll live eternally and it will all somehow never get boring even though it lasts forever. It’s just…doesn’t it make a little more sense that we simply go where we were before we were born, a yawning black abyss of non-consciousness and everything we ever thought, felt and stood for will cease as they were all just electrical impulses that coursed through the circuitry of our brain which is now no more alive than the dirt piled on top of our corpse?


Which is why movies like Hereafter mean so much to me. My dad died when I was 20 and the probable reality that he’s nothing more than a jerkied husk six feet under is a festering wound on my psyche that has yet to heal. Getting to feel for two hours that he may actually live on in some capacity is the greatest escape I can find, especially when it’s directed by a genius like Clint Eastwood. (Conversely, a movie like Ghost, directed by that shank Jerry Zucker, makes me wish for absolute certainty that we just die and rot.) Even if you haven’t lost anyone close to you, go check it out simply to watch a master of cinema ply his trade. You won’t regret it.


P.S.-To the couple that whispered their way through the entire film in a theater with only five people in it, go to hell. This wasn’t a Jerry Bruckheimer flick: There were countless near-silent scenes and your insipid conversation was completely audible through each one of them. Thanks for putting your desire to carry on like you would during an episode of The Big Bang Theory or whatever other shit you watch at home above my right to enjoy a movie in silence, you fat, bald fuck and crimson-locked cum-vacuum. Normally I’d feel bad wishing you’d die in a horrible crash on the way home from the theater, but seeing as I just spent two hours watching a movie about the afterlife, I hope you both get there with a quickness.

Tagged as: Movie Review.