Hanna‘s a Surprisingly Decent Movie

Last week it was my friend Richard’s birthday. I wanted to do something nice for him because he’s one of the few people I know whose heart isn’t a ball of carrion which bleeds rattlesnake venom, so I figured I’d take him to a movie. The problem is, Rich’s taste in movies is, for lack of a better word, shit. To anyone who argues that preference in films is totally subjective and that I shouldn’t level such accusations, there’s a copy of Ultraviolet prominently displayed on the man’s DVD shelf. I rest my case.


Rich loves action films. That statement makes it sound like I’m too busy sipping Zinfandel from my menstrual cup as I await the latest Royal Wedding news to watch such ruffian’s fare, so let me elaborate: I like good action films. Rich would gleefully watch an American Ninja marathon. Thankfully, the weekend seemed ready to deliver a film both of us would enjoy in Hanna, an action flick that was enjoying great success over on Rotten Tomatoes. Grateful that I hadn’t been doomed to watch Arthur, a remake of one of my favorite films, or Your Highness, starring Danny “Dude, I Fucking Love You, but Please Just Stick to Making Sure Season Three of Eastbound and Down Doesn’t Blow Like Season Two Did” McBride, I shelled out for Hanna tickets, hopeful I had a winner on my hands.


Two hours later, I left the theater a happy man, no small feat considering it was full of young people and my sole wish in life is that we all lived in the glorious, childless utopia depicted in Children of Men. Hanna‘s tale of an assassin on a quest for revenge is nothing new, but Joe Wright’s direction is crisp and The Chemical Brothers’ soundtrack offers some of the best audio companionship for a film this side of Basil Poledouris’ Conan: The Barbarian score. Saoirse Ronan, Cate Blanchett and Eric Bana all bring fantastically nuanced acting to their roles, though Blanchett unwisely decides to go with a southern accent that’s as convincing as a porn star putting on a pair of thick glasses to play a professor. In terms of the shittiest southern accents in movie history, it gives Keanu Reeves’ in The Devil’s Advocate a run for its money.


Hanna doesn’t disappoint. Go give it a whirl if you’re in need of a movie fix this week. Unless you’re one of those poor bastards that has to take their little snot factory to Hop. See? Kids ruin everything. Children of Men was onto something.