My Body Gallery Is a Great Time Waster at Work

After a few years of running this website, I’d like to think that I understand a thing or two about how traffic on the Internet works. For example, pages like mine exist solely to entertain people while they’re at work and, the instant you guys are home, my numbers plummet like Natalie Wood off the side of a boat as you all hunker down with porn. Loud, disgusting, smelly porn.

That tells me we all love to treat our bodies like they were an amusement park the instant we’re not around others. But it also says that non-pornographic websites that can be read at work are at a premium. (Given my traffic, they must be.) Ask a guy what his favorite porn URLs are and he’ll rattle ’em off like Bubba Blue listing shrimp dishes. Then quiz him about the pages he checks out at work. After naming Sports Illustrated, ESPN and Facebook (if it isn’t blocked), there’s going to be a lot of pauses. Which is why I’m here today to introduce to you a powerful new arrow in your quiver of time-wasting websites: My Body Gallery.

My Body Gallery claims to show you “What real women look like,” and, boy, does it deliver on that promise. The entire site is nothing but self-submitted photos of women accompanied by their height and weight. Hit the refresh button, and a new woman pops up. And another. And another. Before I knew it, I had pissed away 30 minutes clicking through photo after photo, most of which I wish I could have unseen.

I freely admit to enjoying MBG for all the wrong reasons. There’s the rush of finding the one photo in every 20 that contains an attractive woman who’s made all the sexier because of what you had to wade through to view her. On top of that, I love arming myself with the knowledge of what exactly a woman’s weight is based solely upon her appearance. (Not the easiest job on Earth because I’m convinced some of these broads still lie about their weight. Either that or they replaced their bones with balsa wood like some anti-Wolverine.) Trust me, it’s knowledge that comes in handy when you’re trying to undermine a girl’s confidence juuuust enough so that she says yes to that threesome.

My Body Gallery awaits your visit. Just like your boss awaits all that work you should be doing. And we all know which you’ll choose to get around to first. Sinner.

Don’t forget to like Papa’s Basement on Facebook, follow on Twitter and rate the radio show on iTunes. Or forget to. It’s not like I’m giving away winning lottery numbers.