Reviewing John Carter Without Having Watched It
Apparently, John Carter is not some piece of fly-by-night shit whipped up by Disney and is actually based upon an old pulp novel character from the turn of the century. […]
I don’t like to talk about Eddie Murphy because I find it extremely depressing. Eddie Murphy was, unequivocally, one of the funniest people who has ever lived. Delirious and Raw are the two greatest stand-up specials ever recorded. Watch Trading Places, and I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me his performance was anything less than genius. For a few years in the 80s, anything Eddie did was nothing short of magic. And then…it’s like he just stopped caring.
John Landis, who directed Eddie in some of his greatest films, said in an interview that, by the time they did Coming to America, he didn’t think Eddie cared to be funny anymore. Do you know how crushing that is? When someone who is at the pinnacle of their game, a game you love and cherish, simply walks away says “This isn’t for me”? What if Michael Jordan quit basketball forever after those first three rings? His legacy would be a shell of what it is. If only Uncle Ben were real and had imparted upon Eddie his signature wisdom. We’d all be better off.
Christ, I’d settle for Eddie having simply walked away from comedy. Instead, with every Pluto Nash and Daddy Day Care he releases, you’d think he was hellbent on destroying it. Which brings us to A Thousand Words. Without a doubt in my mind, I am certain this movie is yet another dump that Eddie Murphy has decided to take into the open, laughing mouth of Humor. If horrible comedy is your scene, then haul ass to A Thousand Words, because this one could be you Citizen Kane.
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