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Reviewing Scary Movie 5 Without Having Seen It

admin April 12, 2013


Coming. Protection. Did you get it? Did you really? Think about it. There you go. You finally got it.
Coming. Protection. Did you get it? Did you really? Think about it. There you go. You finally got it. I love humor that takes me a while, don’t you?

The Scary Movie series is everything insidious and wrong with this generation’s comedy films. I’m not saying that to get up on some high horse and pretend that comedy cinema was pure good until 2000, but at least bad 80s comedies had the decency to offer up some flat-chested blonde baring her skinny-white-girl-with-puffy-pink-areolas goods to get us through.

Scary Movie‘s brand of humor is laughter via the basest of parody. A dog wearing glasses to resemble a person is more cerebral comedy. I blame it all on Airplane!, but one cannot fault the inspired for the idiots that later ape them. There wouldn’t be Nickleback without the Beatles, but no one is suggesting we send a T-800 back to kill John Lennon’s mother.

If you’re gunning to watch Scary Movie 5 this weekend and see nothing wrong with that, more power to you. Return to your life of posting YouTube videos of your pit bull getting contact highs as you light up and praise Wiz Khalifa as the bard of our times. But if you feel even a small spark in your gut, an inkling of, “I am capable of laughing at better,” nourish that until, with the proper kindling, it becomes a flame.

Start off with some Dumb & Dumber–stupidity done right. Next, work your way up to Office Space–You’ll be able to Tweet “Dat nigga Milton be wilin bout his stapla again!” and we’ll all have a chuckle. Finally, ready yourself to digest the pinnacle of American humor in my time–The Larry Sanders Show. If I’m responsible for one person in this country learning what “Hey now!” means, I can die happy.

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