Papa’s Basement 11-14-11-Red Lobster’s Endless Shrimp Destroyed My Family
Given my personality, it was only a matter of time before I scared away the rest of the Papa’s Basement crew and was forced to do a show alone. The […]
By now, you’ve all seen the ad for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 featuring a much thinner Jonah Hill. (If you haven’t, I’ve embedded it above because I’m as considerate a writer as I am a lover.) And I’ll tell you what: I find the new, “fit” incarnation of the man thoroughly unappealing.
The reason is that, skinny or fat, Jonah is not an attractive man. Compare him to Sam Worthington, with whom he shares the spotlight in this commercial: That’s a handsome man. If you walked in on Sam banging your wife, I’m not sure if you’d take a swing at him or pull up a chair and watch the show. Skinny Jonah, on the other hand, looks more like someone in the early stages of pancreatic cancer than a movie lead.
Ultimately, I sympathize for Jonah, because obviously his weight has bothered him for a long time and he finally got his shit together and did something about it. The problem is, losing the lbs. may prove ultimately detrimental to his career. He’s still not attractive enough to work as a non-comedic lead and people who found him funny when he was fat might not feel as free to laugh at him now that he’s skinny. Mr. Hill prophetically uttered the following line in Funny People: “You shouldn’t have lost all that weight…there’s nothing funny about a physically-fit man.” Maybe he should have heeded his own advice.
Because I’m curious what you guys think and apparently it’s too much to ask for a comment out of you jackals, I’ve set up a pole so you can vote on your preferred Jonah Hill weight. And if you’re too lazy to do even that, then America deserves to slide into the goddamn ocean.
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