Q. Papa: I work in IT with a bunch of researchers. We have two communal toilets on our floor. One of the researchers routinely lifts the seat and pisses everywhere except into the bowl. This screws you up if you’re next in line, because not only do you have to […]
Q. Papa: My company holiday party is coming up and it turns out my girlfriend can’t make it that night. The problem is my co-workers are pressuring me into going so we can collectively blow off some steam and take advantage of as much free booze and food from corporate […]
Q. Papa: I have a co-worker I despise. He is a one-upper and a self-appointed expert on everything, routinely using phrases like “In my previous experience” and “Well, I’ve always said.” He’s only 26, though, so there’s no way he actually has experience or even knows his ass from his […]
Q. Papa: My wife is awful. She makes my life a living Hell. How do I get rid of her without going to jail or giving her half my money? P.S. We have kid.–Eunuch of Undisclosed Location A. Eunuch of Undisclosed Location: I have good news and bad news. The […]
Q. Papa: My mother is getting on in years, and I’ve recently had to begin advising her in life because, at this point, I know as much if not more so than her about how the world works. She hates this, and ignores me because, to her, I’m nothing more […]
Q. Papa: I was dating a really nice guy. In fact, things were perfect in the relationship until we decided to have sex. His pants came off and that’s when my heart broke. While erect, he was smaller than my ring finger. Worse, once inside me, he lasted under 90 […]
Q. Papa: My brother ordered a white iPhone 5. Does this mean he has turned gay? And, if so, do I have a greater chance (due to the gay genes) of turning gay too?–Curious (not bi-curious) in Camden A. Dear Curious in Camden: At first, I was going to laugh […]
Welcome to the inaugural installment of my advice column, Ask Papa. “Where do you get the balls to write an advice column when your own life is an unmitigated disaster,” you might ask if you are my mother or an ex-girlfriend. Well, just because my existence thus far has been […]