Last week, Mötley Crüe singer Vince Neil got into a fight with Nic Cage. It’s the kind of shit the Internet eats up, at least until the next thing to hold our shattered attention spans arrives six hours later. Growing up a fan of “the Crüe” (did my insistence on […]
I’ve decided to free myself of the albatross around my neck that these articles about my trip to Las Vegas have become and summarize the excursion in a series of bullet points. “John,” weeps the ghost of Oscar Wilde, “what a lazy way to conclude your efforts.” And the spectral […]
After enduring ten hours either in an airport or airborne, not to mention staying out until 5:30 am, I went to bed at the end of my first day in Las Vegas expecting to remain passed out until well after noon. Instead, much to my horror and amazement, I found […]
I know, I know. At this point, the summary of the first day of my Vegas vacation has become one of those clown car dumps you take after spending the better part of the previous afternoon at the Golden Corral. (You know the type I’m talking about: They last 30 […]
With both legs of a journey so nightmarish that it made the Trail of Tears look like a pleasant spring hike behind me, I was ready to finally enjoy some of what Las Vegas had to offer. Given I’m a social retard (which, in Vegas, one must pronounce “ritard”), clubbing […]
Where last we left off, your friend and humble narrator had landed in Milwaukee to await a connecting flight to Las Vegas. The layover was brief, and, as I slumped in my second cramped airplane seat of the day, I hoped that fact was an indicator that the remainder of […]
99 times out of 100, when a guy behind a mic says, “Man, I just wish we had more time to get to everything I wanted to talk about today,” it’s code for “Thank fucking Christ it’s over, because I was out of material an hour ago.” This is one […]
Well, I’m back. After half a week in what can only be described as Eden with breast implants, I’ve returned home to the humid morass of our nation’s capital. By comparison, it now seems even more awful. Over the course of the next few days, I will give a detailed […]
Because a life of working three hours a day while playing more Wii than a Japanese preteen was really knocking it out of me, I decided to take a vacation and will be in Las Vegas until next Tuesday. Vegas sounds like a great place, and I look forward to […]
