The Rex Ryan Foot Fetish Videos Are the Greatest Things Ever

A few days ago, foot fetish videos that New York Jets coach Rex Ryan recorded with his wife Michelle surfaced online (I’ll place one of the videos at the end of the article, saving you the stigma of having “foot fetish+Rex Ryan” saved in your search history at work). The videos have struck a chord with me because: 1. Rex Ryan is a sloppy, Jabba the Hutt-esque lard bucket and the thought of him engaging in sexual intercourse is so disgusting I view it as a personal affront and 2. I think feet are the most goddamn grotesque things on earth.


I don’t know why I hate feet so much. It’s not like I was ever mugged by a foot or raped by one. I never walked in on my mom giving my dad a footjob or my dad attempting to wear my mom like a slipper. I probably wouldn’t even despise feet if it weren’t for some people attaching sexual significance to them. For whatever reason, that sends me into attack mode. Is it because I’m an avowed tit man and people not acknowledging that tits are, well, the tits, is seen by me as blasphemy? Again, I’m not sure. All I am sure of is that feet should be considered a private part and that, if radical Muslim countries punish women baring their feet with vicious stonings, maybe we can learn a thing or two from them, after all.

(I’m not sure if I find the feet or the acting more offensive.)

Tagged as: NFL Football.