Papa’s Basement 4-18-11-The Human Centipede
By now, the horrors of the film The Human Centipede have been well documented. Since I’m a dunce, though, I decided that it would be fine to watch the movie […]
Last night, my friend and co-worker Danny Rouhier mentioned in passing that it puzzled him why the Royal Wedding was such a big deal. Off the cuff, I replied that it probably had to do with Kate Middleton being a piece of ass. “But Beard,” he replied (a name bestowed upon me by Danny due to my facial hair, which is currently maintained at stylish, Dos Equis guy length), “tons of hot women get married all the time. It still doesn’t make sense.”
Danny’s words got me thinking. At first, simply about his question, which I eventually answered for myself with “Women love pretending they’re princesses from the time they’re old enough to play doctor, so seeing a real life princess have a fairytale wedding must set off the gushing like a bouncing bomb slamming into the Hoover Dam. Then my mind began to wander further (which it tends to when faced with the alternative of engaging in productive thoughts that might help me achieve anything in life) and I realized the most puzzling aspect of the buzz surrounding the Royal Wedding was the fact that women weren’t jealous of Kate Middleton but celebrating her. Women are traditionally catty. Shouldn’t they hate some attractive chick who’s about to receive everything they could possibly want in life (unless they’re into black dudes)?
Lord knows that men DESPISE a guy who seems to have it all. Why do you think we get off so much on seeing athletes go broke or learning that some famous heartthrob secretly plays for Team I Heart Peen? The thought that there are dudes out there with looks, talent and millions of dollars, who could blow us out of the water with our women in an instant, is far too much to bear. Yet countless women, many of them overweight, working jobs they hate and trapped in loveless marriages, are tripping over themselves to worship a person who has everything in life they could ever want. Shouldn’t you broads at least be praying that Kate falls over her own gown and knocks out one of her front teeth, giving the proceedings an Ozark vibe? I guess this is just another thing about women I’ll never understand.
MB on April 20, 2011
Very COOL!
Good questions!
Hmm you’ve inspired me to think about this (on the clock, at work). Why aren’t the ladies hating on Kate for winning the Cinderella package?
Theories:
1. It’s William. Not Harry. Even princesses like eye candy, so he may be a Prince but he’s not Prince Charming.
2. The Cinderella package comes w/ a real pain in the ass: The Queen and the whole uppity “Royal Family.” Women realize that and would rather watch how Kate handles it than envy her for having the pressure of the in-laws from hell.
3. Kate HUNG IN THERE for years and years. A lot of women want to believe a man is saving up their gratitude and love to give to them– that which they’ve so diligently earned, at a later date. Well Kate stuck around the unattractive prince and “won”, so women have to admire a fairy tale playing out.
I’ll post more theories if they come to mind.