No one would ever accuse my childhood of being a cornucopia of health food. Yes, my mom would boil up a pot of frozen mixed vegetables (yum) with every dinner, but I’d never actually eat them: I just thought of them as a garnish that I occasionally had to dig […]
Last week it was my friend Richard’s birthday. I wanted to do something nice for him because he’s one of the few people I know whose heart isn’t a ball of carrion which bleeds rattlesnake venom, so I figured I’d take him to a movie. The problem is, Rich’s taste […]
Some episodes come out of the gates, others build to a slow boil. (Others are just turds in the punch bowl, but no one bats a thousand.) In the final minutes, Cate drops a bombshell that, quite frankly, she should have started the show with. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll […]
Every so often, while pissing my life away via Netflix and its insidious instant streaming capabilities, I stumble upon a gem of a show I wasn’t previously aware of. Then, because I have no self control, instead of savoring an episode here and an episode there, I make like a […]
It’s springtime again. And we all know what that means: Driving with the windows down. Women wearing less. And, if you live in Virginia, the smell of old semen permeating you like smoke at a cigar bar. That last one might seem a little left field if you’re not from […]
A few months ago, I treated myself to an iPhone 4 on the Verizon network. It was a joyous day, not unlike the birth of a child, except my iPhone will never vomit on me and I’ll have upgraded to a better phone long before it gets old enough to […]
Because who wants to hear the news of the day on time and from the mouth of a professional anchor when you can get it from us long after its relevance has faded? The gang and I discuss the Chicago teacher in deep trouble for mocking a student’s hair on […]
There are countless forms of comedy that are indisputably unfunny: The knock knock joke. Anything uttered by Daniel Lawrence Whitney. Articles with URLs that contain the words “inpapasbasement.com.” Add to that list every April Fool’s prank you can possibly conceive of. April Fool’s Day is an excuse for unfunny people […]
