Reviewing Wrath of the Titans Without Having Seen It

The original Clash of the Titans was one of those oddball fantasy movies that, along with Krull and The Beastmaster, invariably managed to be on TBS any time I was up spending the night tripping balls on cough syrup as a teen. It featured laughable special effects and was recorded on such low-grade film stock that I assumed it was produced in the 60s, which was all part of its charm.

So I was understandably pissed when a “reboot” (suck my cock and just call it a remake, already) of Clash was released in 2010 that looked to have none of the original’s appeal. Sure enough, two years have passed, and Clash has come and gone like a fart in a stiff breeze. You know why? Because it was too pretty. It was polished and soulless. There isn’t a single moment that compares to this scene from the original. How amazingly trippy is that?! It makes me want to inject heroin into my eyeballs and insert a narcotic suppository the size of a Chipotle burrito for old time’s sake. Oh, and Wrath of the Titans will somehow be even worse than the Clash remake. There, boom, movie review.

Tagged as: Movie Review.