A (Hetero) Love Letter to Don Geronimo

(Before reading, open this in a new tab for the proper musical accompaniment. “But John,” you may ask, “isn’t that song a little…gay?” Believe you me when I say it’s going to be the straightest part of this article. I’m about to kiss Don’s ass so hard that I could tell you what he had for lunch yesterday. Now on with the show.)


Given I work in radio (well, on the dingy edges of radio. I work in it the same way the guy who shovels shit at the circus is “in showbiz”), it would make sense that Marconi’s invention was an integral part of my youth. And it was. Every minute of every day from the age of 13 on, my dial was glued to one station, 106.7 WJFK. It was the home of Howard Stern, rabid right winger (and fan of covertly urinating into Tupperware while on-air) G. Gordon Liddy and, God help us all, even The Greaseman. But to me, the station had only one star: Don Geronimo of The Don and Mike Show.

While other kids were out playing sports after school or experiencing their first kiss or doing homework, I would race home (well, as fast as a kid who didn’t play sports could race) to my radio and listen religiously from 3-7 pm to every second of Don’s show, my mind expanding at an exponential rate to absorb every last word he was speaking. To me, he was a comedy god, armed with an infinite array of sound bites appropriate for any situation. It was because of Don’s show that, while still in middle school, I was watching movies like Full Metal Jacket and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, recording their audio to cassette so I could listen to them over and over while in school. (Is it any wonder I didn’t touch a tit until I was 19?) More than any other person, Don shaped the sensibilities of my comedic tastes.


As the years passed, I eventually made my way to college, still listening to Don whenever back in town on break. After graduating and finding myself trapped in a desk job I loathed, it was listening to Don every afternoon that let me know I’d made it through another day of living hell, and that I had two more (now pleasant) hours to go before I was out the door. And, after two years of wanting to Private Pyle my brains all over the inside of my cubicle (See? A Full Metal Jacket reference), it was the countless hours spent listening to Don’s genius on-air that made me think, “Hey, let’s give this radio dream a try.”


So there it is, my little turning Japanese session dedicated to the guy who has entertained me for almost two decades and is responsible for me pursuing a career in radio. I wholeheartedly encourage you to follow him on Twitter, read his blog and, most importantly, listen to his show. Even if it’ll just familiarize you with someone who’s actually talented behind the mic. Don, good day to you, sir.