Britney Spears Will Make $15 Million to Be An X-Factor Judge

Once in a while, you hear a piece of news that hits you in the solar plexus like an angry drill sergeant. I was on a bit of a high today because I started the morning off making $96 dollars for picking a lock and cutting a few keys (I own a locksmith business). For 20 minutes of work, considering my job isn’t vascular surgery, that’s not a bad take. Upon returning home, I hopped online and learned that Britney Spears will make $15 million a year to be a judge on X-Factor.

Now, I’m not saying anything is inherently wrong with capitalism and that America needs to be razed to the ground before Wal-Mart buys the naming rights to the place, but, once in a while, you have to digest the fact that someone is, in one year, making more money than your entire family will conceivably see in a lifetime. And not for a job that requires any particular talent, either. Britney will have to sit like a cigar store Indian while people off the street with roughly as much talent as her sing and dance, and then she’ll have to utter comments in reply to those performances that fall somewhere on the spectrum between “vapid hillbilly cunt” and “high-functioning retard”. Have you ever watched a stripper dance then told her you thought she looked sexy on stage after she approached you? Congratulations, you did 99% of what Britney Spears is about to make $15 million to do, and you managed to do it with an erection, at that. Your check is in the mail.