It’s the Buxom Bandit’s Face
Last week I wrote about the Buxom Bandit, an Australian woman who robbed a convenience store armed with only a knife, her cunning wits and tits big enough to attract […]
I have a bit of a sweet tooth. Which is a nice way of saying I’m an undisciplined fuck when it comes to my eating and I get visible erections when walking by bulk food candy bins. So it didn’t take much twisting of the arm to get me to try Wendy’s new Strawberry Shortcake Frosty Parfait when I saw it on the menu a few days ago. At under $2 bucks, I could do worse. (I could also do better and eat a fresh apple once in a while, but what is this, 1874? Screw fruit.) So I nabbed one as a reward for eating both of my Taco Bell burritos (I’m a growing boy), pulled over and dug in.
The verdict? What do you think the verdict was? The Strawberry Shortcake Frosty Parfait is vanilla ice cream mixed with bits of crispy cookie and drenched in high-fructose syrup the color of a clown’s nose. It tasted like a hug from a kitten feels. In the pantheon of all-time fast food desserts, Wendy’s Strawberry Shortcake Frosty Parfait already ranks very close to the top. In fact, I’m worried such early success might go to its head. I need to make sure that it ascends the ranks at a measured pace, like Bryce Harper had to. Wendy’s Strawberry Shortcake Frosty Parfait gets a perfect five-out-of-five clogged arteries ranking, which warms my heart, because I love America and am truly proud when we do something right. Now pull into your nearest Wendy’s drive-through while chanting “USA! USA!” and treat yourself to some diabetes in a cup, dammit.
Lids on July 12, 2012
Don’t chant “USA USA” just yet… wait until you try Burger King’s bacon sundae. Yum