Welcome to the inaugural installment of my advice column, Ask Papa. “Where do you get the balls to write an advice column when your own life is an unmitigated disaster,” you might ask if you are my mother or an ex-girlfriend. Well, just because my existence thus far has been […]
On this site, I tend to leave the workings of my day-to-day life rather ambiguous. It’s not because I’m afraid any of you will take the time to learn my schedule then murder me and wear my skin like a jumpsuit–I’m not vain enough to nurture such a conceit (though […]
This may be a shock to some of you who know me in real life and can testify to my both my chiseled physique and limitless professional success, but I have zero discipline or focus. If something feels good in the moment, I do it. See a donut? Eat it. […]
I am currently watching a friend’s dog while she’s away on vacation. It was presented to me as a pretty easy job: Stop by a few times a day, let the dog out to do its business, feed it, make sure it has water and then accept with a smile […]
A few weeks ago, it came to light that Chick-fil-A had donated $2 million to anti-gay groups. This is information I could have gone without hearing, and it’s information that, typically, I wouldn’t have because I don’t go seeking it out. I’m not particularly political. I’d enjoy a small government […]
When asked by Adrian why he’s a boxer, Rocky replies, “Because I can’t sing and dance.” Luckily for us, Mr. Balboa was muscular and on a date, because, increasingly, the means by which skinny guys who aren’t getting laid and can’t sing and dance get the attention they crave seems […]
The Dark Knight Rises‘ opening weekend has come and gone and, according to The IMDb, its place in cinema history has been secured as one of the ten greatest movies of all time. “The Dark Knight Rises ahead of such films as Gone With the Wind and Casablanca?,” you might […]
Last Friday, Daniel Tosh of Tosh.0 fame uttered a line at Los Angeles’ Laugh Factory to the effect of “rape jokes are always funny”. (As an aside, I don’t see the point of Tosh.0. Would you watch a show where the host airs the top porn videos of the week, […]
I have a bit of a sweet tooth. Which is a nice way of saying I’m an undisciplined fuck when it comes to my eating and I get visible erections when walking by bulk food candy bins. So it didn’t take much twisting of the arm to get me to […]
