My “Five Movie Characters Men Wish They Were” series began with Ferris Bueller in the “cool guy” slot. Today, we’re going to go with the criminal. Because, no matter how good your life is, henchmen and the freedom to murder your foes would make it that much better. I considered […]
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So I’d like to think that today’s article counts as having written for several hours and not just slapping up a tragic picture I snapped last week because I spent the day compulsively viewing episodes of Roseanne via Netflix. Here it […]
At various times in my prolific (and successful!) career as a writer/broadcaster, I’ve made mention of Quentin Tarantino and his despicable love of feet. While, to my knowledge, QT has never come right out and confessed his crime of fappin’ to ladies’ flippers, one need look no further than his […]
Given my love of symphonic music, Osetras caviar and penchant for making love on the beaches of Saint-Tropez, it may shock you to learn that I enjoy something as base as The Howard Stern Show. Nonetheless, I log several hours a week listening to it, meaning I’m exposed to commercials […]
We’ve all heard the story before. A female teacher, accused of sleeping with a male student, is charged with rape. I have no idea how the average person reacts to such news, but, with me, it always follows the same arc: Laughter as I envision the Mimi-esque pig the female […]
Thanks to my friend Jen for obliging me and taking the time to sketch this piece. My drawings look like something Muhammad Ali tried to whip up with his left hand. If you want to check out her work, there’s plenty at her web page, http://zora-mae.com. It also lists her […]
10-year-old me just creamed his Spider-Man Underoos imagining how many Legos $10k must buy. A Norman, Oklahoma man was arrested on a grand larceny complaint for attempting to steal over $10k in Lego toys from a Target store. Todd Franklin Curtis’ plan, which makes Heat look like amateur hour by […]
I know what you’re wondering: How can a six-year-old be accused of sexual assault? Did he get a girl to drop her diaper for beads? Convince her that she’d never make it to the first grade if she didn’t honk his acorn? Well, at the behest of the authorities, a […]
Yesterday, with my air conditioner kaput, I sought refuge from the elements in my local public library, like any self-respecting hobo would. To my amazement, the visit was actually quite pleasant. I mean, let’s be honest: Who visits the library nowadays? My reading needs are taken care of by the […]